what is the focus statement in an essay

Focus Statement

Ai generator.

The last thing you want to happen to your write-up is for it to become a messy and confusing one. You want to have a clear and well-defined output. If it doesn’t make sense to your readers, you defeat the main purpose of your write up which is to spread information. You may also see statement examples .

• Tips on Writing Your Thesis Statement
• How to Create a Vision Statement for Your Small Business

It is not uncommon to have a messy write-up; messy thoughts equals messy output. However, you really have to try to put things into perspective. Allot time to think about what you should write, research and take down notes, make an outline, and other steps you feel are necessary for you to come up with a coherently beautiful output. You may also see need statements .

What is a Focus Statement?

A focus statement, as the name implies, is the main topic of the writing piece. It is the verbal/written expression of the writer of the piece he/she is trying to accomplish. It is usually crafted before the actual writing process begins. You may also see objective statements .

This statement has one precise purpose which is to establish the story’s direction, not only on how it should be written but how it should be delivered as well. It keeps the writer on track of the flow of the story by making sure that he/she is on topic and is able to fulfill the goal of the focus statement. You may also see employee statements .

In a research paper, the focus statement is the hypothesis, while for companies it is a vision statement. It acts as a blueprint of the writing piece; a solid foundation of the whole piece. It dictates to the writer what information to include, and where and how to further expand the topic. You may also see work statements .

Your focus statement should help your readers clearly understand what you are trying to express. Since it is considered as one of the building blocks of good writing, it is a good indication of whether or not your piece is worthy of praise or else you are going to get an apathetic shrug from your readers. You may also see research statements .

Purpose of a Focus Statement

1. it summarizes the story..

• It expresses a concise but complete version of the story’s entire topic.

2. It sets the story’s course.

• It sets the direction of the story as the writer is given a clear blueprint. You may also see teaching statements .

3. It “sells” the story.

• Selling helps the story capture the interest of the readers and keeps them hooked. You may also see financial statements .

4. It sets a story’s tone and approach.

• Since it dictates the direction of the story, it also sets the tone, attitude and approach the writer is opting for.

A Great Focus Statement Should 

1. be a piece of the writer’s original thinking .

• It should be based on how you envision your story based on the information you have gathered regarding the topic.

2. Be written at the beginning

• It should be written in your introduction to help set the story on the right path. Also, it helps your readers have a clear picture of your topic. You may also see concept statements .

3. Give a general idea of what the story is going to cover

• Your focus statement should be able to give a general idea of the topic before it is further discussed in detail. You may also see business statements .

4. Help find the story’s angle

• However, some may argue that the focus statement is the angle of the story. Regardless, it should be able to clearly set the angle or what aspect you are going to give importance to your story. You may also see medical statements .

How to Create a Focus Statement

After finalizing the topics of your writing piece, you can now begin formulating your focus statement.

Three-Word Focus Statement (for video storytelling and documentary)

1. Identify the following elements of your story topic: who, what, when, where, why, how

Your focus statement should express a complete thought. It should be able to answer the 5 Ws and 1 H questions so that a clear idea is set from the start. You may also see capability statements .

2. Determine who or what (noun) is the central focus of your story.  

As the writer of the story, it is your responsibility to clarify and make it easier for your readers to understand your story. In this sense, the focus statement should indicate the main focal point of your story. You should be able to answer this question: Is it a person, place or a thing?

3. Determine what (verb) this person or thing does.  

In order to clearly execute this in your focus statement, answer this question: What did he/she do? Or what does he/she do? This should show some type of action. This will help propel the action in your story. You may also see income statements .

4. Determine who or what is the object of the action.  

Ask yourself: Is it a person, place or thing? This will be the receiver of the action mentioned above. It is the person, place or thing that is acted upon by the focus of the story. You may also see mission statements .

Full Sentences Focus Statement

1. Start with a three-word statement

Starting your focus statement with a three-word format will make things easier for you as you can just expand and expound those three words in order to create a full sentence. You can incorporate the 5 Ws and 1 H question in your full sentence, however, remember that ‘why’ and ‘how’ are the most important ones. You may also see profit and loss statements .

2. Elaborate details

A focus statement requires you to provide more details in order to get into the heart of the story immediately. The more specific it is, the easier it will be for you to develop your story from there. However, you can also just go with a simple focus statement but it still needs to express the complete thought about the topic. You may also see value statements .

3. Phrase it as a question 

It is easier to expand the focus statement if it is phrased as a question. The answers to the questions can then be included in your focus statement. You can just add additional details to make it clearer and easier to understand. You may also see research statements .

Things to Remember

1. You focus statement should be clear and concise. Including too much information can lead to an messy statement. It should be unambiguous and must generate interest to your readers. You may also see security statements .

2. Your focus statement should help you visualize the story before you actually start with the writing process.

3. It should aptly introduce the focal point of your story and it should be what you want your readers to remember the most in. You may also see mission statements .

4. Details that don’t fit with your focus statement should not be included in the story.

5. It is okay to revise your focus statement. As you continue your research during the writing process, you may stumble upon a new idea or better information. You can always revise your statement that fit more appropriately with your information. You may also see artist statements .

6. It is better if your focus statement can evoke emotions. It can also become the approach of your story. Do you want your readers to be entertained? To be informed? To feel curious?

We hope that this article will help you understand the concept of a focus statement and how to write it.

Text prompt

• Instructive
• Professional

10 Examples of Public speaking

20 Examples of Gas lighting

Maintaining Your Focus

To focus your writing, you'll need to know how to narrow your focus, so you don't overwhelm your readers with unnecessary information. Knowing who your readers are and why you are writing will help you stay focused.

A Definition of Focus

Kate Kiefer, English Department, Composition Director 1992 -1995 The focus of the text is also referred to as its thesis, theme, controlling idea, main point. In effect, writers tell readers what territory they plan to cover. That's the focus. A focus can be very narrow--as when a photographer takes a close-up of one mountain flower--or it can be broad --as when the photographer takes a long-range shot of the mountain. In practical writing, the focus is often specified for the writer by the "occasion" for the writing.

In their discussions of focus, writers may use a number of terms: main point, thesis, theme, position statement, and controlling idea. What these terms have in common—and what focus is really all about—is informally known as sticking to the point.

Sticking to the point involves having a clear idea of what you want to write and how you want to write about your topic. While you write, you'll want to keep in mind your supporting details to help your readers better understand your main point.

Coordinating all the aspects of your paper requires you to make each part work with the whole. Imagine your writing is a symphony orchestra in which one out of tune instrument will ruin the sound of the entire performance.

How Audience and Purpose Affect Focus

All readers have expectations. They assume what they read will follow a logical order and support a main idea. For instance, an essay arguing for a second skating rink for hockey players should not present cost figures on how expensive new uniforms have become.

Your audience and writing purpose will help you determine your focus. While it may seem obvious to include certain details, your audience may require specific information. Further, why you are writing will also affect what information you present.

Michel Muraski, Journalism and Technical Communication By articulating the problem, you give yourself focus. You must have done your audience analysis to have asked the question, "What kinds of information does the audience need? What are they going to do with it? Are they going to use it to further their research? Are they going to use it to make a decision?" Once you've identified your audience and what they're going to do with your information, you can refine your problem statement and have a focus. It's a necessary outcome.

Different audiences require different ways of focusing. Let's look at a proposal for a second ice rink in town for hockey players only.

Audience One: City Council

This audience will want to know why another ice rink is necessary. They will need to know how practice hours were shortened due to increases in open skate and lesson hours. They will need to know about new hockey teams forming within the community and requiring practice and game time on the ice. They should also be informed of how much money is made from spectators coming to view the games, as well as of any funding raised by existing hockey teams to help support a new rink. Every detail they read should support why city council should consider building a new rink.

Audience Two: Hockey Coaches and Players

This audience should be informed of the need for a new rink to inspire their support, but chances are they already know of the need. Ultimately, they will want to know what is required of them to get a new rink. How much time will they need to donate to fundraising activities and city council meetings? In addition, they will want to know how they will benefit from a new rink. How will practice hours be increased? Every detail they read should inform them of the benefits a new rink would provide.

Steve Reid, Composition Director 1973-1977 and 1994-1996 Focus, for me, is a term we borrowed from photography. This means we narrow something down to a very sharp image. First, it's a notion of narrowing to something, but also, it's a notion of sharpness and clarity. Focus is one of the things that clarifies purpose. So once we get a sense of thesis, that helps illuminate the photography image, illuminate what the overall purpose of the paper is.

Your purpose is why you are writing about your topic. Different purposes require different ways of focusing. Let's look at a proposal for a second ice rink in town for hockey players only.

Purpose One: Arguing

Proposing a new ice rink to city council members would require convincing them the rink was necessary and affordable. You would need to acknowledge reasons for and against the rink.

Purpose Two: Informing

Informing fellow hockey coaches and players about a new rink would require telling them of the steps being taken to achieve a new rink. This audience most likely knows most of the issues, so selling them on the idea probably won't be necessary. Give them the facts and let them know what they can do to help.

Don Zimmerman, Journalism and Technical Communication Department Typically, when I'm writing a report for a person out there, I provide them with the information they need to either increase their knowledge or make a decision. When I talk about focus, I really mean targeting. Here's an example. This comes out of a trade magazine. In Nursing '96 , you'll find articles written by nurses for other nurses. They will generally open with essentially two or three paragraphs. They will say, "You know, here is the problem I had as a nurse in this setting." They tend to set them in what I would consider, soap opera-ish kinds of settings. They set up a real life situation with real people. In other words, "I went into Sally's room and discovered she'd thrown all the covers off the bed and she was sweating profusely." the article goes on to describe what it was. Then it will come back and say, "Here's the problem. Now we've had a number of patients who did this kind of activity, and we found they fell out of bed. To minimize those injuries, here are three things we've done." Then they will give you the summary and then they will elaborate those procedures. That's very targeted. Targeting influences the kind of language used. This means the nurses in the hospital are dealing with "X" kind of patient and "X" kinds of situation. This means a lot of terms and terminology are used. The other nurses reading about this will understand it because of their interest in that topic; it's going to fit them.

Narrowing Your Focus

Writers who cover too much about a topic often overwhelm their readers with information. Take, for example, an essay focused on the tragedies of the Civil War. What tragedies? Readers have no idea what to expect from this focus, not to mention how difficult it would be to write about every tragedy of the Civil War.

After writers choose a topic to write about, they need to make sure they are not covering too much nor too little about a topic. The scope of a focus is partially dictated by the length of the writing. Obviously, a book on the Civil War will cover more than a 500 word essay. Finally, focus is also determined by its significance, that is, its ability to keep readers' interest.

What It Means to be Focused

Donna Lecourt, English Department What it means to be "focused" changes from discipline to discipline. Say for example, in literature, my "focus" comes through a novel. I want to write about Henry James's Turn of the Screw . On one hand it could come through theory. I want to do a feminist analysis and Henry James's Turn of the Screw just happens to be the text I apply it to, or I might add another text. I might just approach a novel and say, "Okay. Everybody's read it in these ways before. Here's yet another way to read it." I don't have to show that I'm adding to, in some ways, I can show I'm distinguishing or coming up with something new. What my "focus" is, is determined disciplinarily as well as by my purpose. Another example would be a typical research report where a "focus" is what's been done before because that determined what an experiment was going to be about. And so, in some ways, you're not coming up with your own "focus" the way in English, in some ways, you can. You have to look at "X," "Y," and "Z" studies to see what was done on this topic before you can prove your point. Focus comes out of what was achieved before. You have to link what you're doing to previous research studies which is a requirement of a lot of research reports.

Focus is Too Broad

Michel Muraski, Journalism and Technical Communication The biggest conceptual shift in most students is having too broad of a statement and literally finding everything they ever knew about this topic and dumping it into a term paper. They need to consider what they write a pro-active document: a document that's going to be used by a specified audience for a specified reason about a specific area of that broader topic.

Kate Kiefer, English Department, Composition Director 1992 -1995 A broad focus looks easier for students, but it turns out that a narrow focus is generally easier. General articles and essays with a broad focus require lots of background information and a pretty clear sense of the readers' goals in reading the piece. Otherwise, writing with a broad focus tends to result in pretty boring prose. Most academic writing requires a narrow focus because it's easier to move from that into the specific supporting detail highly valued in the academic community.

A broad focus covers too much about a topic. It never discusses the fine details necessary to adequately present a topic and keep readers' interest. A good way to narrow a broad topic is to list the subcategories of the topic. For example, two subcategories of Civil War tragedies are:

• The breakdown of families as a result of divided loyalties.
• How the small details of battle strategies affected the outcome of the war.

When you list subcategories, be careful not to narrow your topic too much, otherwise you won't have enough to write about it.

Focus is Too Narrow

A narrow focus covers too little about a topic. It gets so close to the topic that the writer cannot possibly say more than a few words. For example, writing about gender interactions in one of your classes is too narrow. You can use your class to make a point about gender interactions, but chances are, you'll find nothing specific in the library about your particular class. Instead, you might look at gender interactions in group settings, and then use your class as an example to either agree or disagree with your research. Be careful not to make your focus too broad as a result.

As you refine your focus, check to see if you pass the "So What?" test. To do so, you should know who will read what you write. Readers have to care about your topic in order to continue reading, otherwise they may look at what you have written and respond "So what?" You need to determine what readers need to stay interested in your writing. Ask yourself why readers will be interested in your specific topic. Is it significant enough to hold their attention? Why or why not?

Citation Information

Stephen Reid and Dawn Kowalski. (1994-2024). Maintaining Your Focus. The WAC Clearinghouse. Colorado State University. Available at https://wac.colostate.edu/repository/writing/guides/.

Copyright Information

Copyright © 1994-2024 Colorado State University and/or this site's authors, developers, and contributors . Some material displayed on this site is used with permission.

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What Is a Focus Statement?

A focus statement is a verbal articulation of what a writer is trying to accomplish with a piece of writing. It is normally created before the writer devotes significant time to a piece and if created well keeps the writer on track by ensuring that everything he writes is on topic and fulfills the goals of the focus statement.

The creation of a focus statement has long been a favorite assignment of English and writing professors. Focus statements are considered a building block of good writing, akin to the relationship of arithmetic to advanced math.

Beyond the professor who might want to see your focus statement before you get started, the audience for the typical focus statement is the writer herself. A focus statement usually does not appear in the piece itself.

Phrasing the focus statement in the form of a question can be an effective way to distill a topic into a focus statement.

Another tip is to think about the emotional responses that a piece might evoke. For example, if you are writing about your road trip across the United States, ask yourself, what do you want people to feel while they are reading your piece? Do you want the reader to be entertained? To feel curious? To feel informed?

Like any piece of good writing, the focus statement should be as concise and clear as possible. Cramming too much into a focus statement will only lead to unfocused writing.

A good focus statement should be unambiguous, generate interest on the part of the reader and even be provocative.

If a focus statement leaves anything unclear or generates a shrug of the shoulders or similar apathetic response, it is not a strong focus statement.

An example of a good focus statement might be:

"If poker can be proven to be a game of skill, should online poker then be legalized?"

A less effective focus statement on the same topic might be:

"There is currently controversy about the legality of online poker. Many feel that gambling in any form should be legislated online, while others believe that poker is an exception because it is a game of skill."

Related Ideas

Relatives of the focus statement are the thesis statement used by academics, the hypothesis statement used by researchers and the vision statement used by organizations. What each of these other kinds of statements share with the focus statement is that they clearly and concisely establish what the reader should expect next.

Academics use thesis statements to inform the reader as to the position or interpretation they have taken on a given topic. Researchers use hypothesis statements to articulate the scope and objectives of their research. Organizations use vision statements to communicate its goals, ideals and reason for being.

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Thomas Gee is a marketing professional who also teaches classes on poker and casino gaming. He has been a freelance writer since 2003, and since joining Demand Studios, Gee has had several articles published on eHow. Originally from New York, he currently resides in Illinois. Gee has a Bachelor of Arts and a Master of Business Administration from the University of Rochester.

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Forming a Focus

Minilesson print.

Quality writing begins with a strong focus statement. Your focus statement gives your writing direction. A focus helps you know what to say about your topic. A lack of focus leaves your readers unsure what point you are trying to make.

Here's a simple formula you can use to form a focus statement. This statement can become the topic sentence in a paragraph or the thesis statement in a formal essay.

Topic (who or what you are writing about )

+ Focus (the part or feeling you want to highlight)

_________________________________

= Focus Statement

Here are some examples of the formula in action with different forms of writing.

Persuasive Writing

Our school (topic) should make an effort to become more environmentally friendly (focus) .

Explanatory Writing

Narrative Writing

• Cooperation
• Water pollution
• Fire hydrants

From page 46 in Writers Express

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• 110.5.b.12.C
• LAFS.3.W.1.1
• 110.5.b.12.B
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• 110.5.b.11.B.i
• 110.5.b.12.A
• LAFS.3.W.1.3
• 110.6.b.12.C
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• 110.7.b.11.A
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• 110.7.b.12.B
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How to Focus an Essay

Last Updated: October 11, 2022 References

This article was co-authored by Megan Morgan, PhD . Megan Morgan is a Graduate Program Academic Advisor in the School of Public & International Affairs at the University of Georgia. She earned her PhD in English from the University of Georgia in 2015. This article has been viewed 47,629 times.

Do your essays seem unfocused? Do you tend to ramble while writing? Stating a clear thesis and providing a well-structured argument will help you convey your points to the reader in a focused manner. Create an outline to bring different sections together into a cohesive, flowing piece of work. Be sure to read and revise your material as you write it. This will help you keep your work focused.

Essay Template and Sample Essays

Preparing to Write Your Essay

• If your essay is part of an exam, read the question carefully. Underline the action words like “explain,” “compare,” “analyze.” Be sure you understand how you are supposed to prove your answer.
• See if the essay prompt has multiple parts. For example, it could say, “First, discuss Mary’s emotions upon being rejected at the ball. Then compare her father’s behavior in this situation to his behavior towards Elizabeth’s engagement. Is he showing the same paternal instincts? How so?” For this question, you should answer the first part and then proceed to offer a comparison.

• You should not cite Wikipedia as a source. You can, however, use Wikipedia to find scientific sources for your topic. Look at the references section at the end of a Wikipedia article for links.

• Under each section, write your main arguments as bullet points.
• Under each argument, use secondary bullet points to write out your supporting points and create footnote or in-text citations.
• Include additional information that you think might be useful in an “Other” bullet point even if you don’t have a place for it. You might discard this information or find a use for it later.
• For example, if you must write a five paragraph essay about housing at the Sochi Olympics, you might organize your outline by having paragraphs that provide the following information: I. Introduction to Sochi Olympics and housing II. Discussion of housing financing III. Analysis of contractors, laborers, and their schedules for completion IV. Media reaction to unfinished housing V. Conclusion and overall assessment of housing at Sochi Olympics. Under each paragraph you would have additional sub-points.

Focusing Your Thesis Statement

• Your thesis statement is your opinion it is not a statement of fact. [4] X Research source For example, "Mr. Bennet's wife is Mrs. Bennet" is an indisputable fact and not a thesis statement. Your opinion might be, "By providing a time diary of Mr. Bennet's daily activities, I argue that he prefers to spend time with Elizabeth rather than Mrs. Bennet. Additional quotations work to prove that Mr. Bennet is intellectually attracted to more intelligent females. In this regard, he is a man living beyond his time."
• Your thesis statement is not a question. [5] X Research source You can ask questions in an introduction to pique the readers' interest but you must state directly what you want to prove. For example, you cannot ask, "Was the housing finished in time for the Sochi Olympics?" Most people know it wasn't. Instead, theorize or investigate why it was not finished on time and produce your unique opinion on the underlying reasons.
• Has someone proved the same thing previously or is your thought a well-established fact? If so, try to take a different angle on a topic. For example, instead of writing, "Pride & Prejudice is a beloved book especially for young women," ask yourself why? What is it about this particular book that has captured generations of young women's imaginations? Is it the characters? Do the strong female leads help girls of the past and today to identify with the story?

Writing the Introduction

• The length of your introduction depends on the size of your entire essay. For example, a five page essay should have a short introduction with only a few paragraphs. If you are doing a longer paper, however, your introduction could be a few pages. [9] X Research source
• It is often most effective to write your introduction after you have written the rest of your paper. While it is okay to write a draft of your introduction right away, you should edit your introduction later to reflect your paper's final appearance.

• Your explanation of the context should also be focused. For instance, in a shorter essay, you do not need to give an exhaustive explanation of 19th century gender roles. You can, however, provide a few sentences or paragraphs (depending on your essay size) to ground the reader. Specify the gender dynamics that impact the character you are examining. For example, in the context of Pride and Prejudice, discuss gender politics of the upper middle class as this is the class to which the Bennets belong. You might discuss women's dowries and their lack of occupations and thus need to marry. Choose the most relevant points that will help your reader understand your argument more.

Developing a Focused Argument

• For a five paragraph essay, each separate argument should have its own paragraph.

• Reread your supporting sentences aloud and ask yourself whether they relate to the topic sentence. If they do not, delete them. If they somewhat but not entirely relate, revise them.
• Check for the logical order of your supporting sentences. They should follow one another in a way that makes your argument clear. If you skip around in your explanation, even topically relevant sentences will not help the reader.

• Transitional words could be “furthermore,” “nevertheless,” “additionally,” or “in contrast.”

Writing the Conclusion

• Do not mention your future plans in a homework or exam essay. This step is appropriate for academic essays.

Finishing Your Essay

• If possible, wait a day or two before doing a thorough proofreading. You tend to catch more mistakes when you are less tired.
• Insert page numbers.
• Printing typed essays is another good way to find mistakes. Sometimes we see more mistakes on printed copies.
• Check for redundancies in language. Do you use the same verbs or transitional words all the time?

• It is helpful to collect your sources while you write. This way, if you have a “working bibliography,” it will only take a small time to proofread it before submission.

Expert Q&A

• Don't write your essay the night before it's due, as you will be stressed and have an immediate deadline, which never helps focus. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

You Might Also Like

• ↑ http://www.clarion.edu/academics/academic-support/writing-center/Focusing-an-Essay-with-a-Thesis.pdf
• ↑ http://naropa.edu/documents/programs/jks/naropa-writing-center/thesis.pdf
• ↑ http://www.petco.com/Content/ArticleList/Article/30/17/433/Natural-Ferret-Behavior.aspx
• ↑ http://writingcenter.fas.harvard.edu/pages/beginning-academic-essay
• ↑ https://www.oxford-royale.co.uk/articles/how-to-answer-essay-questions.html

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Writing Studio

Finding your focus in a writing project.

In an effort to make our handouts more accessible, we have begun converting our PDF handouts to web pages. Download this page as a PDF: Finding Focus in a Writing Project Return to Writing Studio Handouts

Each writing project presents its own organizational challenges. Sometimes a writer can go on and on for pages with examples that prove a point…only she hasn’t quite figured out what that point is or noticed that all of her examples make the same basic illustration.

Other times a writer has great ideas, but can’t quite figure out how to begin writing (ever try explaining a five-hundred-page novel AND its relation to jazz in just under 7 pages?). For such assignments, it’s important to find your focus .

Having a focus will help make the purpose of your writing clear and allow readers to follow your reasoning with ease.

Defining Focus and How to Find It

Focus is the controlling idea, main point, or guiding principle of your writing. Strong writing has a very clear focus with secondary and related ideas positioned in order to supplement or support it.

Focus is not something a writer necessarily has at the beginning of the writing process, but something she “finds” and refines through exploration, drafting, and revision. If you find yourself making broad generalizations, rather than specific claims, you should check on your focus.

Questions To Help Bring Your Writing Into Focus

There is no exact formula for finding focus within your writing, but a few questions might help you zero in on your topic:

Question 1: What’s Most Important?

• If I have two divergent ideas, which one do I find more compelling? For analyses, do I need to explain the entire text being analyzed to make my point, or can it be made by using a few sections?

Question 2: What does the assignment ask me to do?

• What will my readers be looking for? Are they more concerned with my textual arguments, my contextual arguments, my explanation or summary of the issue, or my own view? Will they be looking for breadth, depth, or something else? Should I focus on one aspect of a particular issue rather than taking on the entire problem?

Question 3: What will my readers need to know more about?

• Have I provided complete and detailed explanations that will guide my readers forward and keep the argument on course?

Question 4: How well does my organization and structure serve my larger purpose?

• Can I identify a logical progression of ideas within the essay? Might there be a better order for the content / argument?
• Do I develop my points with minimal distraction? Or do I get muddled in tangential explanations and extraneous information?

Additional Techniques to Help You Find Focus

Technique 1: listing.

When you have several broad ideas to contend with, sometimes it’s best to just get them onto the page and out of your system. Listing allows you to categorize your ideas before committing to one. Here’s how it works:

• Start with the overarching idea. It could be about the main character, an important theme, a major scene, a particular argument, etc.
• Under that idea, begin listing whatever comes to mind in association with it. As you go, your list items may or may not become more specific.
• If your items are becoming more and more specific, you might have the beginnings of an outline. Step back and see which items might make a more manageable topic.
• If your items are not becoming more specific, try to circle and connect any related terms that you have listed. Do any patterns begin to emerge? If several words or concepts seem to be related, begin a new list with these as your starting point.

Technique 2: Outlining

Outlining is great when your topic is fairly well developed, but you aren’t quite sure how you want to tackle it. It allows you to roughly map the progress of your paper before committing to the actual writing. The trick, of course, is knowing when to follow it and when to modify it (know when to hold ‘em; know when to fold ‘em). For a standard 5-7 page paper, your outline should not exceed one page. If you find that your subheadings are growing exponentially, it’s a good bet that your main headings are too broad.

Technique 3: Draft Map

Draft maps are great when you’ve already written a first draft and want to examine the larger structure of your paper. They allow you to see which paragraphs support your thesis and which paragraphs do not.

• Identify your thesis statement or controlling ideas in the introduction. If you have more than one major claim, label each one (e.g. A, B, C or color code them).
• Identify the topic sentence or main idea of each of your paragraphs.
• Once you’ve identified the main idea of each paragraph, label them according to the main ideas outlined in your introduction. If a paragraph doesn’t fit, give it another label (i.e. if your paragraph doesn’t fit major claims A-C, give it the letter D).
• Tally your results: Is there a vast difference between your introduction and the ideas in your paragraphs? Is one idea treated significantly more than another? If so, perhaps you should consider refocusing on this idea rather than attempting to tackle the others or consider devoting more time to the other ideas.

Last revised: 07/2008 | Adapted for web delivery: 12/2021 In order to access certain content on this page, you may need to download Adobe Acrobat Reader or an equivalent PDF viewer software.

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The focus (or thesis).

The focus (or thesis) of your paper will determine in large part your grade. You want to work on the wording, strength, and quality of your focus before you write your paper.

Qualities of a Good Focus

• need explaining (not be a “yes” or “no” type statement)
• be only 1 sentence
• reach a specific audience
• answer the original question of the writer
• not be a fact (you wouldn't have to write a paper then!)

Let's say you have an article or research on oils. Here are some proposed focuses; which ones do you think are sharp and would be able to produce a 3-5-page paper?

Hydrogenated oils are bad for you.

The government should consider regulating the use of hydrogenated oils in commercial bakery and fried fast foods because scientific studies have linked these oils to cancer and heart disease.

Hydrogenated oils deposit fatty acids and thereby clog arteries.

• We should get the FDA to label every package of cookies with the content of hydrogenated oils.
• Scientific studies link hydrogenated oils to cancer and heart disease.

Only the 2nd sentence above is a viable focus, although the 4th one could be rewritten to sound more formal and work just as well. The 1st is too general; the 3rd and 5th are facts.

Tips for Developing a Strong Focus

Here are some ideas to get a strong focus:

go back to your original question when reading or researching and answer it in 1 sentence

check that your sentence has 2 parts: a subject and a point of significance (or a “so what?”)

reword that sentence even 5x to get it sharp (most people need to rework their word order until the sentence is sharp)

think of your audience—imagine your professor as interested and wanting to know what you think about your subject area

• go back to your planning if you are stuck: if you're stuck, revisit your question and your notes.
• consider writing in a journal or another private place where no one will see your ideas—think them out there and toss the not-so-good ideas before anyone sees them!

Some Focuses that Need Improvement

Let's take a look at some common focuses that need revising: a good one means a better grade. Professors look for a clean, sharp focus when grading papers.

Huckleberry Finn is a good book.

This focus is way too broad and there's no criteria for good to substantiate it.  

I decided to research the value of play for five-year olds because you assigned me to do this project, and when I got to the library, the words play and social skills popped out at me, and so I decided to concentrate on why play is important for five-year olds.

This focus is way too long, too personal, and doesn't give the reader any idea about exactly what the paper will be about. Now it's just topics.  

All magazine writers are terrorists.

This focus (and most with the words all, never or other such extreme terms) is prejudiced and cannot be proven.  

There are differences between Gibbon's interpretation of the fall of the Roman Empire and those of modern historians.

This focus is too general—figure out exactly what differences exist and let that be your focus. Additionally, use the first names of the authors as well as the last (in this case, Edward Gibbon).  

Success is important: Webster's dictionary defines success as “a favorable or satisfactory outcome or result.”

This focus doesn't let the writer articulate his or her point of view; quoting the dictionary is not necessary either.  

For me, I think that Machiavelli's The Prince is better than Sun Tzu's The Art of War.

This focus doesn't need to mention the writer, and it needs to clarify exactly why one book is better than another. One other point is that the focus sentence should not have the author in the possessive case ('s).

To Get a Great Focus

Ask yourself SO WHAT or WHY a million times until you get a solid, individual idea that needs to be explained.

Be generous: don't be so critical of a source that you don't recognize its strengths in your focus.

Use contrast: SUV commercials feature great images, but those images cost lives.

Keep your focus short. Most people write a long one the first time.

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Make Your Essay Structure Rock-Solid with These Tips

So you’ve been assigned an essay. Or, probably more realistically, two, three, or four essays  . . . and they’re all due the same week. 

We’ve all been there: overwhelmed, staring down that blank screen, and not sure which essay to start with or how to get it started. 

In high school and college, it’s not enough to just write strong essays. One of the most important skills to develop is writing strong essays efficiently . And the foundation of that skill is knowing how to structure an essay. With a template for the basic essay structure in hand, you can focus on what really matters when you’re writing essays: your arguments and the evidence you’re using to support them. Take a look at the basic essay structure below and see how the parts of an essay work together to present a coherent, well-reasoned position, no matter what topic you’re writing about. 

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Basic essay structure: the 3 main parts of an essay

Almost every single essay that’s ever been written follows the same basic structure: 

Introduction

Body paragraphs.

This structure has stood the test of time for one simple reason: It works. It clearly presents the writer’s position, supports that position with relevant examples, and neatly ties their supporting arguments together in a way that makes their position evident. 

It all starts here. This is where you introduce the topic you’re discussing in your essay and briefly summarize the points you’ll make in the paragraphs that follow. 

This is also where you state your thesis. Your thesis is the most important part of your essay because it’s the point you’re making . It needs to take a clear stance and shouldn’t include hedging language that undermines that stance like “seems to” or “possibly could.”

Here are a few examples of thesis statements:

• In the final scene of The Awakening , Edna Pontellier’s decision demonstrates that it was impossible for her to have the lifestyle she truly wanted in the society in which she lived.
• Due to its volatility and lack of government regulation, Bitcoin cannot become a viable currency for everyday purchases.
• While the habitability of Mars has not yet been proven, evidence suggests that it was once possible due to bacteria samples found on the Red Planet.

An easy way to write your thesis statement is to think of it as a summary of your essay. Your thesis makes and supports your essay’s point in one concise sentence. 

When you proofread your finished essay, make sure your thesis is clearly stated in your introduction paragraph. If it’s not clear, go back and write a definitive thesis statement. 

>>Read More: How to Write a Persuasive Essay

Your essay’s body paragraphs are where you support your thesis statement with facts and evidence. Each body paragraph should focus on one supporting argument for your thesis by discussing related data, content, or events. 

If you’re not sure whether you should include a specific point or detail in your body paragraphs, refer back to your thesis statement. If the detail supports your thesis, it should be in your essay. If it doesn’t, leave it out. Your thesis statement is the core of your basic essay structure, so everything else in the essay needs to relate to it in some way. 

In your essay’s conclusion paragraph , you summarize the points you made and bring your argument to its logical conclusion. Because your reader is now familiar with your thesis, the summary in your conclusion paragraph can be more direct and conclusive than the one in your intro paragraph.

>>Read More: 7 Writing Tips from Professors to Help you Crush your First Essays

How many paragraphs are in an essay?

There’s no hard-and-fast requirement for college essays. In high school, you were probably taught to write five-paragraph essays. This is a solid essay structure to work with, but in college, you generally have more flexibility with assignment lengths and formats. 

Now, consider five the minimum—not the standard—number of paragraphs you should include in your essays. 

Essay structure examples

There are a few different ways to present information in an essay. Often, your assignment will tell you what kind of essay to write, such as a chronological, compare and contrast, or problems-methods-solution essay. If you’re not sure which is best for your assignment, ask your instructor. 

Chronological

A chronological essay guides the reader through a series of events. This essay structure is ideal if you’re writing about:

• A current or historical event
• A book or article you read for class
• A process or procedure

With this kind of essay, you first introduce your topic and summarize the series of events in your introduction paragraph. Then, each body paragraph takes the reader through a key stage in that series, which might be a decisive battle in history, a pivotal scene in a novel, or a critical stage in a judicial process. In your conclusion, you present the end result of the series you discussed, underscoring your thesis with this result. 

Compare and contrast

A compare-and-contrast essay has a structure that discusses multiple subjects, like several novels, concepts, or essays you’ve been assigned to read.

There are a few different ways to structure a compare-and-contrast essay. The most obvious is to spend one paragraph discussing the similarities between the topics you’re covering (comparing), then one paragraph detailing their differences (contrasting), followed by a paragraph that explores whether they’re more alike or more different from each other. 

Another method is to only compare, where each of your body paragraphs discusses a similarity between the topics at hand. Or you can go the only-contrast route, where your body paragraphs explore the differences. Whichever you decide on, make sure each paragraph is focused on one topic sentence . Every new comparison or contrast should occupy its own paragraph.

Problems-methods-solution

As its name implies, this kind of essay structure presents the writer’s position in three segments:

• Ways to resolve the problem 
• The solution achieved by using these strategies to resolve the problem 

This kind of essay works great if you’re discussing methods for resolving a problem, like knowing how to distinguish between credible and non-credible sources when you’re doing research for assignments. It can also work when you’re tasked with explaining why certain solutions haven’t worked to fix the problems they were created for. 

With this kind of essay, begin by introducing the problem at hand. In the subsequent body paragraphs, cover possible methods for resolving the problem, discussing how each is suited to fixing the problem, and potential challenges that can arise with each. You can certainly state which you think is the best choice—that could even be your thesis statement. In your conclusion paragraph, summarize the problem again and the desired resolution, endorsing your method of choice (if you have one). 

In this kind of essay, you can also include a call to action in your final paragraph. A call to action is a direct order for the reader to take a specific action, like “call your congressperson today and tell them to vote no” or “visit grammarly.com today to add Grammarly browser extension for free.”

>>Read More: How to Write Better Essays: 5 Concepts you Must Master

With the basic essay structure down, you can get to writing

For a lot of students, getting started is the hardest part of writing an essay. Knowing how to structure an essay can get you past this seemingly insurmountable first step because it gives you a clear skeleton upon which to flesh out your thoughts. With that step conquered, you’re on your way to crushing your assignment.

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• How to Write a Thesis Statement | 4 Steps & Examples

How to Write a Thesis Statement | 4 Steps & Examples

Published on January 11, 2019 by Shona McCombes . Revised on August 15, 2023 by Eoghan Ryan.

A thesis statement is a sentence that sums up the central point of your paper or essay . It usually comes near the end of your introduction .

Your thesis will look a bit different depending on the type of essay you’re writing. But the thesis statement should always clearly state the main idea you want to get across. Everything else in your essay should relate back to this idea.

You can write your thesis statement by following four simple steps:

• Start with a question
• Write your initial answer
• Develop your answer
• Refine your thesis statement

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Table of contents

What is a thesis statement, placement of the thesis statement, step 1: start with a question, step 2: write your initial answer, step 3: develop your answer, step 4: refine your thesis statement, types of thesis statements, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about thesis statements.

A thesis statement summarizes the central points of your essay. It is a signpost telling the reader what the essay will argue and why.

The best thesis statements are:

• Concise: A good thesis statement is short and sweet—don’t use more words than necessary. State your point clearly and directly in one or two sentences.
• Contentious: Your thesis shouldn’t be a simple statement of fact that everyone already knows. A good thesis statement is a claim that requires further evidence or analysis to back it up.
• Coherent: Everything mentioned in your thesis statement must be supported and explained in the rest of your paper.

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The thesis statement generally appears at the end of your essay introduction or research paper introduction .

The spread of the internet has had a world-changing effect, not least on the world of education. The use of the internet in academic contexts and among young people more generally is hotly debated. For many who did not grow up with this technology, its effects seem alarming and potentially harmful. This concern, while understandable, is misguided. The negatives of internet use are outweighed by its many benefits for education: the internet facilitates easier access to information, exposure to different perspectives, and a flexible learning environment for both students and teachers.

You should come up with an initial thesis, sometimes called a working thesis , early in the writing process . As soon as you’ve decided on your essay topic , you need to work out what you want to say about it—a clear thesis will give your essay direction and structure.

You might already have a question in your assignment, but if not, try to come up with your own. What would you like to find out or decide about your topic?

For example, you might ask:

After some initial research, you can formulate a tentative answer to this question. At this stage it can be simple, and it should guide the research process and writing process .

Now you need to consider why this is your answer and how you will convince your reader to agree with you. As you read more about your topic and begin writing, your answer should get more detailed.

In your essay about the internet and education, the thesis states your position and sketches out the key arguments you’ll use to support it.

The negatives of internet use are outweighed by its many benefits for education because it facilitates easier access to information.

In your essay about braille, the thesis statement summarizes the key historical development that you’ll explain.

The invention of braille in the 19th century transformed the lives of blind people, allowing them to participate more actively in public life.

A strong thesis statement should tell the reader:

• Why you hold this position
• What they’ll learn from your essay
• The key points of your argument or narrative

The final thesis statement doesn’t just state your position, but summarizes your overall argument or the entire topic you’re going to explain. To strengthen a weak thesis statement, it can help to consider the broader context of your topic.

These examples are more specific and show that you’ll explore your topic in depth.

Your thesis statement should match the goals of your essay, which vary depending on the type of essay you’re writing:

• In an argumentative essay , your thesis statement should take a strong position. Your aim in the essay is to convince your reader of this thesis based on evidence and logical reasoning.
• In an expository essay , you’ll aim to explain the facts of a topic or process. Your thesis statement doesn’t have to include a strong opinion in this case, but it should clearly state the central point you want to make, and mention the key elements you’ll explain.

If you want to know more about AI tools , college essays , or fallacies make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples or go directly to our tools!

• Ad hominem fallacy
• Post hoc fallacy
• Appeal to authority fallacy
• False cause fallacy
• Sunk cost fallacy

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A thesis statement is a sentence that sums up the central point of your paper or essay . Everything else you write should relate to this key idea.

The thesis statement is essential in any academic essay or research paper for two main reasons:

• It gives your writing direction and focus.
• It gives the reader a concise summary of your main point.

Without a clear thesis statement, an essay can end up rambling and unfocused, leaving your reader unsure of exactly what you want to say.

Follow these four steps to come up with a thesis statement :

• Ask a question about your topic .
• Write your initial answer.
• Develop your answer by including reasons.
• Refine your answer, adding more detail and nuance.

The thesis statement should be placed at the end of your essay introduction .

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Thesis and Purpose Statements

Use the guidelines below to learn the differences between thesis and purpose statements.

In the first stages of writing, thesis or purpose statements are usually rough or ill-formed and are useful primarily as planning tools.

A thesis statement or purpose statement will emerge as you think and write about a topic. The statement can be restricted or clarified and eventually worked into an introduction.

As you revise your paper, try to phrase your thesis or purpose statement in a precise way so that it matches the content and organization of your paper.

Thesis statements

A thesis statement is a sentence that makes an assertion about a topic and predicts how the topic will be developed. It does not simply announce a topic: it says something about the topic.

Good: X has made a significant impact on the teenage population due to its . . . Bad: In this paper, I will discuss X.

A thesis statement makes a promise to the reader about the scope, purpose, and direction of the paper. It summarizes the conclusions that the writer has reached about the topic.

A thesis statement is generally located near the end of the introduction. Sometimes in a long paper, the thesis will be expressed in several sentences or an entire paragraph.

A thesis statement is focused and specific enough to be proven within the boundaries of the paper. Key words (nouns and verbs) should be specific, accurate, and indicative of the range of research, thrust of the argument or analysis, and the organization of supporting information.

Purpose statements

A purpose statement announces the purpose, scope, and direction of the paper. It tells the reader what to expect in a paper and what the specific focus will be.

Common beginnings include:

“This paper examines . . .,” “The aim of this paper is to . . .,” and “The purpose of this essay is to . . .”

A purpose statement makes a promise to the reader about the development of the argument but does not preview the particular conclusions that the writer has drawn.

A purpose statement usually appears toward the end of the introduction. The purpose statement may be expressed in several sentences or even an entire paragraph.

A purpose statement is specific enough to satisfy the requirements of the assignment. Purpose statements are common in research papers in some academic disciplines, while in other disciplines they are considered too blunt or direct. If you are unsure about using a purpose statement, ask your instructor.

This paper will examine the ecological destruction of the Sahel preceding the drought and the causes of this disintegration of the land. The focus will be on the economic, political, and social relationships which brought about the environmental problems in the Sahel.

Sample purpose and thesis statements

The following example combines a purpose statement and a thesis statement (bold).

The goal of this paper is to examine the effects of Chile’s agrarian reform on the lives of rural peasants. The nature of the topic dictates the use of both a chronological and a comparative analysis of peasant lives at various points during the reform period. . . The Chilean reform example provides evidence that land distribution is an essential component of both the improvement of peasant conditions and the development of a democratic society. More extensive and enduring reforms would likely have allowed Chile the opportunity to further expand these horizons.

For more tips about writing thesis statements, take a look at our new handout on Developing a Thesis Statement.

Writing Process and Structure

This is an accordion element with a series of buttons that open and close related content panels.

Getting Started with Your Paper

Interpreting Writing Assignments from Your Courses

Generating Ideas for Your Paper

Creating an Argument

Thesis vs. Purpose Statements

Developing a Thesis Statement

Architecture of Arguments

Working with Sources

Quoting and Paraphrasing Sources

Using Literary Quotations

Citing Sources in Your Paper

Drafting Your Paper

Introductions

Paragraphing

Developing Strategic Transitions

Conclusions

Revising Your Paper

Peer Reviews

Reverse Outlines

Revising an Argumentative Paper

Revision Strategies for Longer Projects

Finishing Your Paper

Twelve Common Errors: An Editing Checklist

How to Proofread your Paper

Writing Collaboratively

Collaborative and Group Writing

Successful University Writing

• Before You Start Writing...

Structuring an essay

• Report writing
• Annotated bibliography
• Literature review
• Reflective writing
• Using Ideas from sources in your writing
• Writing concisely and editing your work
• Student Success study support

Thesis statements

Most academic writing at university will require you to argue a position. This means including a thesis statement upfront in the first paragraph that concisely states the central argument and purpose of the essay. This video addresses the key features of a thesis statement.

• Parts of an essay
• Writing introductions and conclusions
• Writing paragraphs
• Making your writing flow

Academic writing structures may vary, but the main sections are the introduction, the body, and the conclusion. Here is an overview of what these sections contain:

Introduction

• The introduction tells the reader what your writing is about.
• Start by defining the topic and any terms which will be crucial for your discussion.
• The introduction should also state what position you will argue and how you will do it. This is the thesis statement .
• Use words and phrases which are in the assignment question to help the reader see that you are directly addressing the main issues.
• It can help to write the introduction last. This is particularly helpful if you have not yet fully determined what your document is going to say and what your arguments will be.
• This is the most important part of your writing. Begin each sentence with a "topic sentence" which is then discussed and explained.
• Each paragraph must discuss a different point. Each paragraph should be a discussion on the point you have made in the first sentence.
• Paraphrase or summarise the sources you have read in your research. If using direct quotes, ensure they are relevant and impactful. Evaluate what is being said. Never assume the reader knows what you are talking about.
• Always reference any ideas you have used in your writing. 
• Paragraphs should flow in an organised and logical sequence. One way to do this is by introducing the next paragraph (topic) in the last sentence of the previous paragraph.
• Avoid repetition and rewriting another version of what you have already said.
• Transition or linking words ,   such as  however, therefore,  and  although tell the reader about the direction you are arguing or when there is a change of direction.
• Avoid using first person point of view.
• Avoid slang or jargon (use academic language).
• Avoid using long and complicated sentences. Make your point obvious and easy to read.
• The work should read as one organised discussion, not a mix of unrelated information. Make sure each sentence in the paragraphs has a role in the discussion and contributes to the overall argument and topic you are addressing.
• Restate what you planned to do in your introduction and discuss how you have done it. You should tell the reader that your discussion led to the conclusion that your thesis (argument/position) supported.
• No new information should be included in the conclusion.

An essay introduction usually:

• clearly states the topic that will be the focus of the essay;
• offers a preview of main aspects that will addressed, or the particular angle that will be taken in; and
• clearly articulates the position that will be argued. This is known as the thesis statement.

Consider this introduction:

Leadership has been defined as “the process of influencing the activities of an organized group toward goal achievement” (Block & Tackle, 2019 , p. 46). This essay compares and contrasts two approaches to leadership from Western and Eastern traditions. The first is Fayol’s Administrative Principles approach, considered to be one of the foundations of the study of Management. The second approach is Confucianism, which is said to continue to guide leadership and management across China and much of South-East Asia (Shih, Wong, Han, Zheng, & Xin, 2004). It will be argued that these two approaches share certain core values, and a critical understanding of both approaches can support management decision-making.

The first sentence clearly states the topic. Leadership has been defined as “the process of influencing the activities of an organized group toward goal achievement” (Block & Tackle, 2019 , p. 46).

The middle sentences preview the aspects that will be addressed and hints at the approach (compare and contrast). This essay compares and contrasts two approaches to leadership from Western and Eastern traditions. The first is Fayol’s Administrative Principles approach, considered to be one of the foundations of the study of Management. The second approach is Confucianism, which is said to continue to guide leadership and management across China and much of South-East Asia (Shih, Wong, Han, Zheng, & Xin, 2004).

The final sentence clearly states the thesis, or position that will be argued. This is essentially a succinct version of the response to the essay question. It will be argued that these two approaches share certain core values, and a critical understanding of both approaches can support management decision-making.

In any academic essay, the paragraphs should follow the key points that have been outlined in the introduction. Each paragraph then contextualises and expands upon these points in relation the thesis statement of the essay. Having a paragraph plan is an effective way to map out your essay and ensure that you address the key points of the essay in detail – especially for longer forms of essays and academic writing that students engage with at university.

An basic paragraph plan would generally contain:

• The thesis statement (for an essay)
• A topic heading for each paragraph
• The claim of argument to be made in each paragraph (this will be, or will inform, your topic sentence)
• The evidence that will be presented to support the claim
• Summary of the conclusion paragraph

Consider this example of a paragraph plan:

Paragraph plans provide an overview of your essay and provide an effective starting point for structured writing. The next step is using this plan to expand on the points as you write your essay.

Getting your writing to flow.

In almost all cases, written assignments call for students to explore complex topics or aspects of an area of study. Any academic writing task  is an opportunity to show how well you understand a particular topic, theme or area. Usually this means demonstrating how various ideas, knowledge, information or ways of thinking are connected within the context of the task or area of focus. 

This means that successful academic writing presents ideas logically, and that there is high connectivity within the writing. In other words, the aim should be for writing to have high flow to help make the connections clear.

Three ways to achieve this include:

• ensuring that there is good connection from one paragraph to another;
• ensuring that there is good connection from one sentence to another; and
• using transition words effectively to make the logical connections between ideas clear.

Flow from one paragraph to another

Topic sentences, or the leading sentences of a paragraph, play a key role in connecting the ideas of an essay. High-flow topic sentences should look to include three key elements:

• An explicit reference to the topic of the essay.
• A reference to the main aspect of the previous paragraph
• An introduction to the topic of the new paragraph

Consider the following examples of topic sentences in response to an essay question about Virtue Ethics.

A low-flow topic sentence : Aristotle defined phronesis as practical wisdom.

This sentence does not reference the topic (virtue ethics), nor does it link to an idea from a previous paragraph. It does however, introduce the sub-topic of the paragraph (phronesis).

A high-flow topic sentence:  Another fundamental concept in Virtue Ethics is phronesis.

This sentence refers to the essay topic (virtue ethics), acknowledges that this is an additional concept that build on the previous paragraph, and introduces the topic of this paragraph (phronesis).

Flow from one sentence to another

Well-constructed paragraphs have high connections between sentences. In general sentences that promote flow should:

• reference the topic of the previous sentence;
• add new information in the second half; and
• use topic words.

The following paragraph example can be considered high-flow. It includes sentences that reference the previous sentence ( underlined ), add new information ( maroon ) and use topic words ( green ).

Another fundamental concept in Virtue Ethics is phronesis. According to Aristotle, phronesis is a form of practical wisdom through which individuals make principled decisions in line with virtues such as courage and honesty (reference). Its practical nature means that phronesis can only be developed over a lifetime of carefully considered actions and sober reflection . This practice builds a person’s moral character, allowing them to make morally-defensible choices even in unfamiliar and complex situations (reference). In other words, it is a kind of social and professional skill, which at first requires conscious effort and can still result in mistakes. However, through discipline and persistence, it becomes second nature. As a result, practitioners consistently act wisely and in accordance with the virtues they uphold . Their wise actions further strengthen their own character and contribute to human fulfilment at both individual and community levels (reference). 

Transition words that improve flow

Transition words help make the relationships and connections between ideas clear. Some examples of helpful transition words and phrases for various types of connections include:

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9.1 Developing a Strong, Clear Thesis Statement

Learning objectives.

• Develop a strong, clear thesis statement with the proper elements.
• Revise your thesis statement.

Have you ever known a person who was not very good at telling stories? You probably had trouble following his train of thought as he jumped around from point to point, either being too brief in places that needed further explanation or providing too many details on a meaningless element. Maybe he told the end of the story first, then moved to the beginning and later added details to the middle. His ideas were probably scattered, and the story did not flow very well. When the story was over, you probably had many questions.

Just as a personal anecdote can be a disorganized mess, an essay can fall into the same trap of being out of order and confusing. That is why writers need a thesis statement to provide a specific focus for their essay and to organize what they are about to discuss in the body.

Just like a topic sentence summarizes a single paragraph, the thesis statement summarizes an entire essay. It tells the reader the point you want to make in your essay, while the essay itself supports that point. It is like a signpost that signals the essay’s destination. You should form your thesis before you begin to organize an essay, but you may find that it needs revision as the essay develops.

Elements of a Thesis Statement

For every essay you write, you must focus on a central idea. This idea stems from a topic you have chosen or been assigned or from a question your teacher has asked. It is not enough merely to discuss a general topic or simply answer a question with a yes or no. You have to form a specific opinion, and then articulate that into a controlling idea —the main idea upon which you build your thesis.

Remember that a thesis is not the topic itself, but rather your interpretation of the question or subject. For whatever topic your professor gives you, you must ask yourself, “What do I want to say about it?” Asking and then answering this question is vital to forming a thesis that is precise, forceful and confident.

A thesis is one sentence long and appears toward the end of your introduction. It is specific and focuses on one to three points of a single idea—points that are able to be demonstrated in the body. It forecasts the content of the essay and suggests how you will organize your information. Remember that a thesis statement does not summarize an issue but rather dissects it.

A Strong Thesis Statement

A strong thesis statement contains the following qualities.

Specificity. A thesis statement must concentrate on a specific area of a general topic. As you may recall, the creation of a thesis statement begins when you choose a broad subject and then narrow down its parts until you pinpoint a specific aspect of that topic. For example, health care is a broad topic, but a proper thesis statement would focus on a specific area of that topic, such as options for individuals without health care coverage.

Precision. A strong thesis statement must be precise enough to allow for a coherent argument and to remain focused on the topic. If the specific topic is options for individuals without health care coverage, then your precise thesis statement must make an exact claim about it, such as that limited options exist for those who are uninsured by their employers. You must further pinpoint what you are going to discuss regarding these limited effects, such as whom they affect and what the cause is.

Ability to be argued. A thesis statement must present a relevant and specific argument. A factual statement often is not considered arguable. Be sure your thesis statement contains a point of view that can be supported with evidence.

Ability to be demonstrated. For any claim you make in your thesis, you must be able to provide reasons and examples for your opinion. You can rely on personal observations in order to do this, or you can consult outside sources to demonstrate that what you assert is valid. A worthy argument is backed by examples and details.

Forcefulness. A thesis statement that is forceful shows readers that you are, in fact, making an argument. The tone is assertive and takes a stance that others might oppose.

Confidence. In addition to using force in your thesis statement, you must also use confidence in your claim. Phrases such as I feel or I believe actually weaken the readers’ sense of your confidence because these phrases imply that you are the only person who feels the way you do. In other words, your stance has insufficient backing. Taking an authoritative stance on the matter persuades your readers to have faith in your argument and open their minds to what you have to say.

Even in a personal essay that allows the use of first person, your thesis should not contain phrases such as in my opinion or I believe . These statements reduce your credibility and weaken your argument. Your opinion is more convincing when you use a firm attitude.

On a separate sheet of paper, write a thesis statement for each of the following topics. Remember to make each statement specific, precise, demonstrable, forceful and confident.

• Texting while driving
• The legal drinking age in the United States
• Steroid use among professional athletes

Examples of Appropriate Thesis Statements

Each of the following thesis statements meets several of the following requirements:

• Specificity
• Ability to be argued
• Ability to be demonstrated
• Forcefulness
• The societal and personal struggles of Troy Maxon in the play Fences symbolize the challenge of black males who lived through segregation and integration in the United States.
• Closing all American borders for a period of five years is one solution that will tackle illegal immigration.
• Shakespeare’s use of dramatic irony in Romeo and Juliet spoils the outcome for the audience and weakens the plot.
• J. D. Salinger’s character in Catcher in the Rye , Holden Caulfield, is a confused rebel who voices his disgust with phonies, yet in an effort to protect himself, he acts like a phony on many occasions.
• Compared to an absolute divorce, no-fault divorce is less expensive, promotes fairer settlements, and reflects a more realistic view of the causes for marital breakdown.
• Exposing children from an early age to the dangers of drug abuse is a sure method of preventing future drug addicts.
• In today’s crumbling job market, a high school diploma is not significant enough education to land a stable, lucrative job.

You can find thesis statements in many places, such as in the news; in the opinions of friends, coworkers or teachers; and even in songs you hear on the radio. Become aware of thesis statements in everyday life by paying attention to people’s opinions and their reasons for those opinions. Pay attention to your own everyday thesis statements as well, as these can become material for future essays.

Now that you have read about the contents of a good thesis statement and have seen examples, take a look at the pitfalls to avoid when composing your own thesis:

A thesis is weak when it is simply a declaration of your subject or a description of what you will discuss in your essay.

Weak thesis statement: My paper will explain why imagination is more important than knowledge.

A thesis is weak when it makes an unreasonable or outrageous claim or insults the opposing side.

Weak thesis statement: Religious radicals across America are trying to legislate their Puritanical beliefs by banning required high school books.

A thesis is weak when it contains an obvious fact or something that no one can disagree with or provides a dead end.

Weak thesis statement: Advertising companies use sex to sell their products.

A thesis is weak when the statement is too broad.

Weak thesis statement: The life of Abraham Lincoln was long and challenging.

Read the following thesis statements. On a separate piece of paper, identify each as weak or strong. For those that are weak, list the reasons why. Then revise the weak statements so that they conform to the requirements of a strong thesis.

• The subject of this paper is my experience with ferrets as pets.
• The government must expand its funding for research on renewable energy resources in order to prepare for the impending end of oil.
• Edgar Allan Poe was a poet who lived in Baltimore during the nineteenth century.
• In this essay, I will give you lots of reasons why slot machines should not be legalized in Baltimore.
• Despite his promises during his campaign, President Kennedy took few executive measures to support civil rights legislation.
• Because many children’s toys have potential safety hazards that could lead to injury, it is clear that not all children’s toys are safe.
• My experience with young children has taught me that I want to be a disciplinary parent because I believe that a child without discipline can be a parent’s worst nightmare.

Writing at Work

Often in your career, you will need to ask your boss for something through an e-mail. Just as a thesis statement organizes an essay, it can also organize your e-mail request. While your e-mail will be shorter than an essay, using a thesis statement in your first paragraph quickly lets your boss know what you are asking for, why it is necessary, and what the benefits are. In short body paragraphs, you can provide the essential information needed to expand upon your request.

Thesis Statement Revision

Your thesis will probably change as you write, so you will need to modify it to reflect exactly what you have discussed in your essay. Remember from Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” that your thesis statement begins as a working thesis statement , an indefinite statement that you make about your topic early in the writing process for the purpose of planning and guiding your writing.

Working thesis statements often become stronger as you gather information and form new opinions and reasons for those opinions. Revision helps you strengthen your thesis so that it matches what you have expressed in the body of the paper.

The best way to revise your thesis statement is to ask questions about it and then examine the answers to those questions. By challenging your own ideas and forming definite reasons for those ideas, you grow closer to a more precise point of view, which you can then incorporate into your thesis statement.

Ways to Revise Your Thesis

You can cut down on irrelevant aspects and revise your thesis by taking the following steps:

1. Pinpoint and replace all nonspecific words, such as people , everything , society , or life , with more precise words in order to reduce any vagueness.

Working thesis: Young people have to work hard to succeed in life.

Revised thesis: Recent college graduates must have discipline and persistence in order to find and maintain a stable job in which they can use and be appreciated for their talents.

The revised thesis makes a more specific statement about success and what it means to work hard. The original includes too broad a range of people and does not define exactly what success entails. By replacing those general words like people and work hard , the writer can better focus his or her research and gain more direction in his or her writing.

2. Clarify ideas that need explanation by asking yourself questions that narrow your thesis.

Working thesis: The welfare system is a joke.

Revised thesis: The welfare system keeps a socioeconomic class from gaining employment by alluring members of that class with unearned income, instead of programs to improve their education and skill sets.

A joke means many things to many people. Readers bring all sorts of backgrounds and perspectives to the reading process and would need clarification for a word so vague. This expression may also be too informal for the selected audience. By asking questions, the writer can devise a more precise and appropriate explanation for joke . The writer should ask himself or herself questions similar to the 5WH questions. (See Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” for more information on the 5WH questions.) By incorporating the answers to these questions into a thesis statement, the writer more accurately defines his or her stance, which will better guide the writing of the essay.

3. Replace any linking verbs with action verbs. Linking verbs are forms of the verb to be , a verb that simply states that a situation exists.

Working thesis: Kansas City schoolteachers are not paid enough.

Revised thesis: The Kansas City legislature cannot afford to pay its educators, resulting in job cuts and resignations in a district that sorely needs highly qualified and dedicated teachers.

The linking verb in this working thesis statement is the word are . Linking verbs often make thesis statements weak because they do not express action. Rather, they connect words and phrases to the second half of the sentence. Readers might wonder, “Why are they not paid enough?” But this statement does not compel them to ask many more questions. The writer should ask himself or herself questions in order to replace the linking verb with an action verb, thus forming a stronger thesis statement, one that takes a more definitive stance on the issue:

• Who is not paying the teachers enough?
• What is considered “enough”?
• What is the problem?
• What are the results

4. Omit any general claims that are hard to support.

Working thesis: Today’s teenage girls are too sexualized.

Revised thesis: Teenage girls who are captivated by the sexual images on MTV are conditioned to believe that a woman’s worth depends on her sensuality, a feeling that harms their self-esteem and behavior.

It is true that some young women in today’s society are more sexualized than in the past, but that is not true for all girls. Many girls have strict parents, dress appropriately, and do not engage in sexual activity while in middle school and high school. The writer of this thesis should ask the following questions:

• Which teenage girls?
• What constitutes “too” sexualized?
• Why are they behaving that way?
• Where does this behavior show up?
• What are the repercussions?

In the first section of Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” , you determined your purpose for writing and your audience. You then completed a freewriting exercise about an event you recently experienced and chose a general topic to write about. Using that general topic, you then narrowed it down by answering the 5WH questions. After you answered these questions, you chose one of the three methods of prewriting and gathered possible supporting points for your working thesis statement.

Now, on a separate sheet of paper, write down your working thesis statement. Identify any weaknesses in this sentence and revise the statement to reflect the elements of a strong thesis statement. Make sure it is specific, precise, arguable, demonstrable, forceful, and confident.

Collaboration

Please share with a classmate and compare your answers.

In your career you may have to write a project proposal that focuses on a particular problem in your company, such as reinforcing the tardiness policy. The proposal would aim to fix the problem; using a thesis statement would clearly state the boundaries of the problem and tell the goals of the project. After writing the proposal, you may find that the thesis needs revision to reflect exactly what is expressed in the body. Using the techniques from this chapter would apply to revising that thesis.

Key Takeaways

• Proper essays require a thesis statement to provide a specific focus and suggest how the essay will be organized.
• A thesis statement is your interpretation of the subject, not the topic itself.
• A strong thesis is specific, precise, forceful, confident, and is able to be demonstrated.
• A strong thesis challenges readers with a point of view that can be debated and can be supported with evidence.
• A weak thesis is simply a declaration of your topic or contains an obvious fact that cannot be argued.
• Depending on your topic, it may or may not be appropriate to use first person point of view.
• Revise your thesis by ensuring all words are specific, all ideas are exact, and all verbs express action.

Writing for Success Copyright © 2015 by University of Minnesota is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License , except where otherwise noted.

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Personal Statement Examples: Singapore Students Admitted to Top UK and US Universities

Personal statements are an essential aspect of each application. It helps demonstrate your academic interests and passion, highlight your relevant experiences, and showcase your unique identity. However, the approach is different for universities in the UK and US and knowing these differences is vital when preparing your personal statement. To guide you, we’ve included several successful personal statements and sought the expertise of Jamie Beaton , CEO of Crimson Education, to review and analyse these essays. Jamie Beaton was accepted into all 25 of the world’s top universities including Harvard, Yale, Stanford, and Cambridge. Read on to discover what makes a strong personal statement!

How important is the personal statement?

The key thing to note with your personal statement is that it’s your chance to convey something else about yourself in your application . It’s an opportunity to sell yourself and connect with the admissions officer that is reading your essay!

If you’re applying to the UK , your personal statement should illustrate your skills and expertise in the chosen field while emphasising your passion and commitment for it . A UK personal statement is typically more academically-focused and universities are primarily interested in your academic achievements and a genuine demonstration of interest in the selected courses.

For the US , your essay should adopt a more personal and introspective angle and highlight areas like your personal growth, intellectual curiosity, and leadership development . Here, there is greater room for storytelling and creativity and it should portray a more holistic view of yourself.

Applications to both countries are made on two separate platforms: UCAS for the UK and Common Application or the university’s own platform for the US. Be sure to check out their respective websites for further information about the personal statement.

The UK personal statement

A good UK personal statement is direct and precise and it should show that the student is well prepared to study in their chosen discipline. Since the UK places a strong emphasis on your academics, try to include examples which are impactful and relevant. Your extracurricular activities, readings, and accomplishments should ideally be relevant to your chosen discipline.

With a 4,000 character limit , it’s important to strategise and remain factual and straightforward. It’s easy to lose focus in your essay as UCAS personal statements are typically open-ended with no prompts provided. As such, refrain from listing all your achievements and activities and instead dive deep into your academic journey.

Successful personal statements from students in Singapore admitted to top UK universities

Uk essay #1.

Undergoing treatment for my impacted maxillary canine tooth gave me a profound appreciation for dentistry. As I was treated by a multi-disciplinary team, I witnessed their skilfulness during each treatment stage, ultimately saving my tooth and relieving my jaw-aches. Gaining an anterior tooth in my dental arch also improved my self-esteem. The relationships I formed with each member of the team were meaningful, and I realised that as a dentist, I too, could improve patients' oral and mental health, developing similar connections.

Inspired to learn more about dentistry, I shadowed Dr. Shahul Hameed, an experienced general dentist. I observed the maintenance of a dental implant - the planning, execution and patient management. Curious to learn more about implant dentistry, I read up on the fundamentals of dental implants; principles of osseointegration and factors that influence the treatment plan, such as the load-bearing capacity of the implant compared to occlusal forces. Fascinated by dental sciences, I attended 'Discover Dentistry', a course by Sheffield University, where I learnt about current research, such as using cultured cells to assess biocompatibility of prostheses, giving me insight into the exciting future of dentistry. This spurred me to do my own research on the oral health status of the elderly living in care facilities globally. Having learnt about their poor oral health, measured using indices like the O'Leary Plaque and DMFT index, it was interesting to discover how this would greatly improve with routine care.

Another memorable experience involved Dr. Shahul extracting a wisdom tooth from a nervous patient. He explained the treatment plan concisely, making clear the possible risks before gaining her consent, in line with GDC principle 3. Upon completing the procedure, he congratulated her, demonstrating genuine care for the patient. Seeking to emulate his empathy and communication skills, I volunteered with Dementia Singapore. One event involved teaching elderly dementia patients to make lanterns using red packets. Overcoming the language barrier between us, I spoke in both English and Tamil, being understanding and displaying a flexible approach to communication. Currently being in National Service, which I will complete in 2025, I learnt how to provide first aid and CPR, improving my effective communication in emergency situations. Furthermore, I researched 'capgras syndrome,' a mental condition causing delusional misidentifications of people, for an arts competition, Destination Imagination. Acting out its symptoms made me more empathetic towards individuals with health conditions.

I also led a data analytics project, using machine learning to predict the virality of YouTube videos. This involved organising meetings and delegating tasks to my team based on their strengths, ensuring our project's progress. Such leadership skills are vital in managing a dental team. Using machine learning prompted me to consider its potential role in dentistry, in predicting the efficacy of treatments using digitally-stored patient data. I am intrigued about how this relates to patient confidentiality and how to balance patient beneficence with patient data protection. Moreover, I honed my manual dexterity skills by playing fingerstyle guitar pieces in my school's guitar ensemble. I also upload guitar covers online, garnering thousands of views. Additionally, I enjoy solving Rubik's cubes and participate in competitions. Recognising patterns during solves improved my focus - and such attention to detail is needed throughout dental procedures, to ensure successful treatments.

Dentistry is a complex field which requires technical skills and qualities like leadership and communication. Being treated by the skilled dental team has instilled in me fervour for wanting to learn more and mirror their expertise in the future.

Why this essay worked

• Personal Experience and Inspiration: This essay immediately captures the reader's attention with a personal anecdote. The candidate's own experience with dental treatment not only sparked their interest in dentistry but also provided a deep, genuine appreciation for the field. This makes their motivation to pursue dentistry feel authentic and compelling. The detailed account of how their treatment improved their self-esteem shows a personal connection and understanding of the impact dentists can have on their patients' lives.
• Demonstrated Commitment and Exploration: The candidate goes beyond expressing interest; they have actively pursued opportunities to learn more about dentistry. Shadowing Dr. Shahul Hameed and attending the 'Discover Dentistry' course at Sheffield University are concrete examples of their proactive approach. They’ve also engaged in self-directed research on oral health among the elderly, demonstrating intellectual curiosity and a commitment to contributing to the field. This level of initiative is precisely what we look for in candidates who will thrive in a rigorous academic environment.
• Broad Skill Set and Reflective Insight: What stands out is the breadth of skills and experiences the candidate brings. From volunteering with dementia patients to leading a data analytics project and playing guitar, they showcase a range of abilities that are valuable in dentistry. The ability to communicate effectively, demonstrate empathy, lead a team, and possess fine motor skills are all essential qualities for a successful dentist. Moreover, the candidate reflects on how each experience has contributed to their personal growth and how these skills are relevant to their future career. This reflection shows maturity and a deep understanding of the multifaceted nature of dentistry.

UK Essay #2

Throughout my upbringing, I have seen the different cultural traditions of the US, UK, and Singapore; it has been captivating to compare the different focal points from US individualism to collectivism in Singapore. I also explored issues faced by Muslims in America while placing first in a writing competition. Societies are critical in either acting as barriers or support mechanisms, and I am intrigued by the interplay between sociology and the world we have collectively crafted.

Living in a variety of cultures, I have found it compelling to understand how we have been shaped by the cultural patterns and social principles in which we have lived. This has inspired me to explore social action theory. This was fascinating to apply to my own life as I have observed how Singaporeans have used their work ethic and collectivist values to promote 'Tiger Parenting'. Intrigued by the difference in parenting methods between Western and Asian cultures, I engaged with the scholarship of Max Weber's concept that we should interpret the lived experiences of others subjectively rather than objectively, prompting me to further explore the world around us.

I completed the 'Social Context of Mental Health' course at the University of Toronto, and gained insights into the interplay between social contexts and their impact on mental health. This has deepened my understanding of how family, infrastructure, and culture are critical to healthcare. Comparing the traditional values that impeded accessibility to healthcare in the collectivist Asian culture and the Western focus on mental health was fascinating.

Subsequently, I read 'The History of Psychiatry in India' by S. Haque Nizamie, where it can be seen that the Atharva-Veda in ancient Vedic India suggested that mental illness might be linked to divine curses, sin, and witchcraft. The establishment of mental hospitals and more humane approaches were influenced by British psychiatry during the early colonial period. I reflected on the delicate balance required to achieve an optimal societal structure that fosters an individual's mental well-being without jeopardising the rich culture that defines communities.

I am working on a research project with a Ph.D. professor to explore gender performance and what it means to 'do' gender in diverse social contexts. Gender roles are critical in shaping identities and social structures with stereotypes also impacting the experiences of social groups; often, the traditional norms and inequalities make social change seem unattainable. I have explored how gender norms are socially constructed and enforced. I applied this to the motorsport industry, which is traditionally dominated by masculine ideals. Perceived gender roles have affected the perception of female racers, thereby shaping their experiences and limiting their opportunities; in other words, there is a complex interaction between societal expectations, gender norms, and individual experiences. I hope to continue contributing to this discourse, and create positive change.

I have worked as part of the corporate communications team in Singapore's largest real estate company, where I have focused on connecting with a specific part of society by developing articles and podcasts for Gen Z. Beyond this, I was a school prefect and mentor during my A Levels, and aimed to support students academically. I am a passionate dancer having won the East England Grand Final Championships, and I was a captain of a dance team for five years.

Sociology uniquely offers insight into the root causes of issues, namely the challenge of inequality, systematic injustice, and the unravelling of social structures. I hope to pave the way for a more equitable future and challenge ingrained norms by studying this degree. To undertake challenges affecting the twenty-first century, one must have a fundamental understanding of sociology; it informs and dictates the world around us, setting the course and boundaries for change.

• Rich Cultural Perspective and Personal Connection: This essay stands out due to the student's rich cultural experiences in the US, UK, and Singapore. The ability to draw comparisons between individualism and collectivism, along with a personal engagement in social issues like Muslim experiences in America, gives a genuine and insightful perspective. This multicultural background provides a strong foundation for studying sociology and demonstrates a deep personal connection to the subject matter.
• Intellectual Curiosity and Academic Engagement: The student's proactive approach to learning is evident through their completion of the 'Social Context of Mental Health' course at the University of Toronto and their independent reading of 'The History of Psychiatry in India.' This shows a clear commitment to understanding complex sociological concepts and their real-world applications. Additionally, their involvement in a research project on gender performance with a Ph.D. professor highlights a high level of academic engagement and a desire to contribute to scholarly discourse.
• Diverse Extracurricular Involvement and Leadership: The student's extracurricular activities, including working in corporate communications, being a school prefect and mentor, and excelling in dance, demonstrate a well-rounded individual with strong leadership skills. These experiences not only showcase their ability to connect with various social groups but also highlight their dedication to supporting others and fostering community. The blend of academic and extracurricular achievements paints a picture of a dynamic and motivated candidate, well-suited for a sociology degree.

UK Essay #3

When my younger brother was born with Sacrococcygeal Teratoma (SCT), I was told that he was born with a “bunny tail” on his bottom. When I saw the teratoma, the fantasy of having a half-bunny, half-human brother quickly faded, but my curiosity grew. In studying Biomedical Sciences, I hope to feed my childhood curiosity by deepening my knowledge of how the body works, and how it fails. I aspire to connect this knowledge to congenital disorders such as SCT having seen the health and self-esteem issues it can cause. This has inspired me to go further in my acquisition of knowledge and its real-world application.

Research suggests SCT arises from the incomplete migration of primordial germ cells from the yolk sac to the gonadal ridges during embryogenesis. Other sources state that SCT may be due to the failure of the Hensen’s node to regress or due to the residual totipotent stem cells from the Hensen’s node. While ultrasound, amniocentesis or chorionic villus sampling can be used to visualise and diagnose congenital disorders, it is difficult to elucidate abnormal gastrulation, for example, as it occurs very early on in pregnancy. This, along with the multifactorial nature of congenital disorders, impedes on the understanding of conditions that manifest during foetal development. It is this ambiguity that compels me to use my Biomedical education to help further the understanding of congenital disorders like SCT.

I decided to investigate the emerging research on the interplay between our microbiome and health in my Extended Essay (EE). Initially, I wanted to explore the topic of the skin microbiome using biological models. It was difficult to replicate the conditions of the human skin microbiome, but these challenges motivated me to be more creative and proactive in my experimental design. For example, I tried to measure the difference in turbidity between L. casei, B. subtilis, and a solution containing both species, to model the relationship between the commensal skin bacteria S. aureus and S. epidermidis. While this trial did not yield conclusive data, I gained valuable knowledge such as learning the aseptic technique, alongside personal growth through discovering the importance of maintaining morale and motivation through failed trials, developing my independence as a scientist. Additionally, through my EE process, I discovered a passion for research and was fascinated by Zhang et al’s study into the role L. acidophilus S-layer proteins play in the inhibition of pathogenic E. coli. Some of the techniques used by Zhang et al to explore this were gel electrophoresis and mass spectrometry, which I had learnt about in my IB biology and chemistry courses. I had previously only associated these techniques with limited applications such as DNA separation and relative atomic mass. To see their use in a sophisticated manner alongside more complex methods was inspiring. I look forward to cultivating my laboratory skills and becoming proficient in conducting research; allowing me to delve deeper into my understanding of the intricacies within the human body.

I am also passionate about fitness and enjoy applying my knowledge of muscle contraction, the cardiac system, and the muscular system to my fitness journey. In October 2023, I competed in my first endurance fitness race, Hyrox, where I was the youngest of 3500 participants. This pushed me to my limits in the best way, as sticking to a strict training plan while doing the IB was challenging, but showed me the value of consistency, hard work, and teamwork. While I appreciate the rigour of science, I also enjoy learning Spanish, playing the piano, and cooking for friends and family. I hope studying Biomedical Sciences not only fuels my interest in understanding our bodies but also enables me to contribute to its broad positive impact on human health.

• Personal Connection and Clear Motivation: This essay excels in establishing a strong personal connection to the field of Biomedical Sciences through the story of the student’s brother born with Sacrococcygeal Teratoma (SCT). The vivid and heartfelt description of the brother's condition and its impact on the family provides a compelling narrative that clearly motivates the student’s interest in congenital disorders. This personal anecdote not only makes the essay relatable but also highlights the student's deep-rooted passion for understanding and addressing health issues.
• Research Experience and Intellectual Curiosity: The student’s detailed account of their Extended Essay (EE) on the microbiome demonstrates a high level of intellectual curiosity and a proactive approach to research. The discussion of experimental design challenges and the use of techniques like gel electrophoresis and mass spectrometry shows a sophisticated understanding of scientific methods. The ability to connect classroom knowledge to real-world applications, despite setbacks, reflects resilience and a genuine enthusiasm for scientific inquiry. This depth of research experience and commitment to learning is highly impressive.
• Well-Roundedness and Diverse Interests: Beyond academic pursuits, the student showcases a well-rounded personality through their passion for fitness, languages, music, and cooking. Competing in the Hyrox endurance race while managing IB studies highlights qualities such as determination, time management, and teamwork. These extracurricular activities illustrate a balanced and dynamic individual who not only excels in scientific endeavours but also values physical health, cultural engagement, and community. This diverse set of interests and skills makes the student a well-rounded candidate, poised to contribute meaningfully to the field of Biomedical Sciences and beyond.

The US personal statement

A strong US personal statement should provide a unique window into the student’s identity and personality . It helps the university understand who the student is holistically through their experiences, goals, and values. Thus, it’s important to include the experiences that reflect your core beliefs and how they have changed you. Reflecting genuinely and writing authentically is key with a US personal statement.

A 650-word limit is typically imposed on US essays, and you will be required to address a specific prompt . Additionally, most competitive universities also require the submission of supplemental essays . They are meant to support your application and give the admissions officer a deeper understanding of you. It’s important to treat the supplemental essay with the same dedication as your personal statement as they can also influence the admission decision. The word limit for the supplemental essays varies by university, typically ranging from a few words to 650 or more words .

Successful personal statements from students in Singapore admitted to top US universities

For the following essays, observe how their approach is different from a UCAS personal statement.

US Essay #1

The sickening smell of chrysanthemums mixed with incense made me nauseous. I stared at the white pearl placed precariously on my great-grandmother's lips, and tried to identify her through her embalmed face.

It was the 31st of July. I was sixteen, and this was my first time at a funeral wake.

It was in an open space, on a windy day, and I felt suffocated.

Leaving the altar, I joined a sea of faces foreign yet so familiar: distant cousins, uncles, relatives that were my age. We shared the same eyes, but I could not remember ever seeing them.

Suddenly, I was startled by joyous sounds. It was unmistakable — someone was laughing. At a funeral? That can't be right. Looking up, I saw my relatives cracking jokes while folding Joss paper. I was bewildered. How could they still laugh in grief? Curious, I joined them.

They were folding gold ingots from Joss paper, spirit currency at Chinese funerals. I, their new recruit, was handed a stack. Following the movements of my relatives, I kept pace. As we folded the Joss paper in unison, my reservations of displaying anything other than grief subsided. I sensed a tinge of sadness from everyone at the table, and realized they were joking around not because of their lack of sensitivity, but rather because of their empathy. We all shared the same grief that threatened to consume us, so why not share the burden?

We put our despondency into those sheets of paper and shaped them into gifts for offering. The jokes and laughter continued as we filled bag after bag with the paper gold ingots, and I found myself joining in their conversation, consoled by the hopeful atmosphere amidst a somber day. As per tradition, we burned the filled bags. I watched the flames of renewal eat up our hours of labor and consume along with it the worst of our sorrow. The dancing flames were laughing at death, stealing the spotlight in the ballad of goodbyes. Despite all the smoke, I could finally breathe better than before.

"Zai jian," I said with a smile when the fire finally died. In Mandarin, zai means 'again' and jian means 'meet'. When put together they express goodbye but simultaneously imply hope of future encounters. I knew that there would be more of such.

The sweet smell of chrysanthemums now reminds me of new beginnings. Just as the funeral wake brought my family closer than ever, I understood from this experience that goodbyes could also allow for new connections. I later found out that the pearl I had seen on my late great-grandmother's lips symbolizes rebirth: just as the oyster goes through a process of transformation to create the pearl, the memories we have made can grow into something beautiful and valuable. Although I did not realize this before, goodbyes were not any indication of the end, but rather a necessary prelude to metamorphosis.

• Engaging and Vivid Narrative: This essay immediately captures attention with its vivid and sensory-rich descriptions, starting with the "sickening smell of chrysanthemums mixed with incense." The detailed portrayal of the funeral wake, from the sight of the embalmed face to the act of folding Joss paper, immerses the reader in the experience. This narrative style not only makes the essay compelling but also showcases the student’s ability to convey complex emotions and scenes effectively.
• Cultural Insight and Personal Growth: The essay offers a deep dive into the student’s cultural heritage, providing a nuanced understanding of Chinese funeral traditions. The student’s initial confusion about laughter at a funeral and their subsequent realisation about empathy and shared grief highlight significant personal growth. This transformation from bewilderment to acceptance and understanding illustrates maturity and a capacity for introspection, which are essential traits for a college applicant.
• Reflective and Symbolic Conclusion: The conclusion of the essay beautifully ties the entire experience together by reflecting on the symbolism of the pearl and the concept of "zai jian." This reflective insight about goodbyes being a prelude to new beginnings and metamorphosis adds depth to the narrative. The student’s ability to find hope and beauty in a traditionally sombre event demonstrates resilience and an optimistic outlook on life, making this essay both memorable and impactful.

US Essay #2

“And the award goes to...”

My eyes were glued to my computer screen, and my heart was pounding in my chest. Could we do it? Did we do it?

“Team Quasar!”

Allow me to tell you a story of the last few months of the year 2020. Those few months would launch me into the endless space of ideas and possibilities.

It was the Singapore Space Challenge 2021. Teams were required to design a lunar rover mission. It was a highly demanding competition that needed a technical understanding of engineering and space, not to mention the incredibly heavy workload of making a 50-page report and 10-minute video within a few months. Space engineering was completely new to me and my team, and the other teams were mostly university students who were experts in the field. Could we really do it? Are we even qualified for this? I was captivated by the possibilities the challenge could open up, but I second-guessed myself over and over again.

“You know what? Let’s do it.”

And so my team and I signed up for the Singapore Space Challenge 2021.

Over the course of the competition, we were stumbling on our feet. We scoured the internet for research reports and videos to learn about space engineering, from the structure of rover wheels to lunar lander modules. We couldn’t come up with anything that satisfied our high expectations for ourselves, though. So my team and I decided to take a step back. We were at a disadvantage because we knew little about engineering. We were only fifteen, after all.

But what if we turned this constraint into an opportunity? Our lack of experience in the field meant that we weren’t restricted by preconceived notions of what should and shouldn’t be. We could take lots of liberties in technicalities. We could sell a creative idea that takes inspiration from nature to demonstrate its conceptual suitability for its task of excavation. So, we went back to the drawing board. We went back and forth with all sorts of ideas until one of us said the word “worm”. Everyone went quiet but our eyes lit up.

We then came up with our award-winning idea: the lunar excavation worm.

We stopped questioning whether something would work without giving it a try, and went crazy with what our worm could do. Turning ice on the Moon to rocket fuel? Sounds fun! Making it do backflips to climb hills? Let’s do it!

The deadline was approaching, and it was time to get serious. We put our strengths of research, designing and writing together to design a full-fledged robotic worm. After 3 weeks of intense work, we submitted our entry with satisfaction, hope, and inspiration.

When the organizers announced that our team won the Women in STEM Award, I jumped from my seat and screamed. Our WhatsApp group flooded with exclamations in capital letters.

I took away so many lessons those few months. I learned that we should never give up on something because we think we’re not good enough. Instead of asking “why”, how about asking “why not”? Instead of undermining our potential by comparing ourselves to others, why not leverage our own talents to create something that is uniquely ours?

Inspired by our achievement, my team and I continued to take part in similar competitions, coming up with various project ideas from biology experiments in space to autonomous delivery systems.

But what could our ideas do if they just stayed on paper? Physically building a rover is certainly no easy feat, but by combining our knowledge and expertise we could learn in college, I believe we could really bring our beloved worm to life. I hope that by continuing to innovate and create, I will be able to make some contribution, no matter how small, to the scientific community, or to the betterment of people’s lives.

• Engaging Storytelling and Clear Passion: This essay immediately grabs attention with the suspenseful opening about winning an award, which draws the reader into the narrative. The detailed recounting of the Singapore Space Challenge 2021 is both engaging and inspirational, showcasing the student’s journey from doubt to triumph. This storytelling approach not only makes the essay memorable but also highlights the student’s ability to overcome challenges and achieve remarkable success through perseverance and creativity.
• Creative Problem-Solving and Teamwork: The student’s description of how their team transformed constraints into opportunities by leveraging their unique perspective is impressive. The innovative idea of the "lunar excavation worm" and the decision to draw inspiration from nature demonstrate a high level of creativity and problem-solving skills. Additionally, the essay emphasises the importance of teamwork, collaboration, and the ability to adapt and think outside the box, which are crucial skills in any field, especially in engineering and science.
• Reflection and Future Aspirations: The reflective insights gained from the competition, such as asking "why not" instead of "why" and leveraging one’s own talents, reveal a mature and growth-oriented mindset. The student’s aspiration to bring their ideas to life and contribute to the scientific community underscores a strong sense of purpose and ambition. This forward-looking perspective, combined with a proven track record of success in challenging environments, makes the student a compelling candidate for any academic program.

US Essay #3

“Nam-myo-ho-renge-kyo”

The chant gave the funeral a more somber tone. As I said my goodbyes to my grandmother, Obaba, and looked back on her life, I took comfort in knowing that the important lessons that she taught me will continue to guide me. I remembered the same soft melodious chant reverberating around Obaba’s prayer room. Just Obaba and I in this haven of peace. I was five years old, sitting attentively on the tatami mat next to her, chanting Lotus Sutra, a Buddhist chant that extols the significance of compassion.

By eight years old, I was accustomed to rising at daybreak, walking through the mist to visit the temple and offer prayers to my ancestors. At ten, clothed in a white robe, I ascended the towering 3,783-foot expanse of Minobu Mountain with my family on a pilgrimage to experience a monk’s daily lifestyle. Obaba started this tradition in 1950; my family has upheld it ever since.

Obviously, at such a young age, I didn’t fully understand the deep significance of these religious practices: reciting morning Sutras, offering prayers, nightly expressions of gratitude to my ancestors, nor the religious talisman I wore. At times, prayers floated above my little head while I dozed off. Other times, I was simply bored. But when Obaba passed away, something changed.

After her death, I felt compelled to explore Buddhism at a deeper level to understand the source of Obaba’s boundless kindness and resilience. In her 101 years, she’d climbed the mountain annually for more than half a century, and now I felt the urge to practice Buddhism. I dove in by reading the classic texts–The Metta Sutta, The Lankavatara Sutra, and The Kalama Sutta. While I understood the meaning of the words, they didn’t reach my heart. It wasn't until I began to do the daily practice that Buddhism began to unveil its revelations.

Slowly, it dawned on me: Buddhism's essence lies in “compassion.” By immersing myself in active practice, I came to recognize Buddhism's role as a hub of social support. Its compassionate teachings played a pivotal role in helping my Obaba navigate the challenges of World War II and cultivate a lifelong spirit of empathy. Obaba was an inspiration to people from all walks of life, and they’d often seek her to pour out their problems. She’d lend a patient ear and offer advice or simply provide a comforting presence. Obaba led a life dedicated to service. She worked on cultivating her inner peace, which enabled her to assist others in their own journey towards inner tranquility. It became clear to me this was the lesson I’d been seeking all along.

Throughout the pandemic, I became increasingly aware of the struggles within the Buddhist community, where many people experienced significant economic hardship. Embracing Obaba's legacy as my guiding spirit, I initiated a video project for the Buddhist community, since in-person gatherings were restricted. Every morning, after cleaning the temple, I arranged my equipment to create relevant content for our community. These videos featured meditation sessions, insightful teachings from revered monks, and highlights of our community's events.

In the beginning, doubt gnawed at me. Would anyone be interested in online sessions? However, as heartfelt comments poured in, my anxieties dissolved, replaced by a determination to provide more for our community. It was, then, that I recognized how compassion for each of the community members is crucial in cultivating a sense of unity. Through this experience, I gleaned the profound importance of extending compassion by harnessing my own skills to uplift my community members during challenging times, including the pandemic–similar to what Obaba did during WWII.

Having said that, I am who I am today because Obaba exemplified what compassion and resilience are. As a result, I hold her as my role model, aspiring to adopt her qualities by becoming an individual who extends compassion and care to others within the community.

• Emotional and Personal Connection: This essay immediately draws the reader in with its heartfelt reflection on the passing of the student's grandmother, Obaba. The vivid descriptions of childhood memories, such as chanting the Lotus Sutra and climbing Minobu Mountain, create a deep emotional connection. The student’s journey from not fully understanding the religious practices to finding profound meaning in them after Obaba’s death demonstrates personal growth and a strong emotional connection to their heritage and family traditions.
• Demonstration of Compassion and Community Engagement: The student’s active engagement in the Buddhist community, especially during the pandemic, is highly commendable. Initiating a video project to support the community highlights the student’s leadership, initiative, and compassion. This act of service not only illustrates their ability to adapt to challenging circumstances but also their commitment to helping others, reflecting the teachings of Buddhism and the legacy of Obaba. The essay effectively shows how the student embodies the values of compassion and resilience learned from their grandmother.
• Cultural Insight and Reflective Growth: The essay provides a rich cultural insight into Buddhist practices and their significance within the student’s life. The detailed account of religious rituals, texts, and the role of Buddhism as a source of social support offers a unique perspective. The student’s reflective growth, from questioning the relevance of these practices to embracing them fully, highlights a mature understanding of their cultural and spiritual identity. This reflective journey, combined with a strong sense of purpose and aspiration to follow in Obaba’s footsteps, makes the essay both inspiring and deeply personal.

US Essay #4

The piercing sound of the school bell marked the end of the day. But I found myself reluctant to exit the classroom. I didn’t want to go home.

While growing up as an only child allowed me to enjoy all the attention focused from my parents, it also meant that I was faced with high expectations. Since they have always worked hard and would often return home late, I felt that cooking dinner was my way of giving back to my family.

Cooking was not easy, and this was especially true of Chinese dishes. While I am no professional, I have improved rapidly over the years. From changing how I slice the pork belly to adapting the proportion of oyster sauce I use, I have always taken satisfaction in refining every detail to optimize the taste of my dishes so that my parents could enjoy a hearty meal after an exhausting day. Cooking was more than a chore - cooking Chinese food and eating it at the round table at the end of the day was my language to connect with my busy parents. I felt I would disappoint them if I messed up the dish.

And so, inevitably, cooking turned out to be the most stressful part of my daily routine. At the end of every school day, the sparks of knowledge acquired would quickly be extinguished by my anxious thoughts of what to cook that night. Walking towards the kitchen, I would notice my pace slowing down. I was worried that even one mistake would completely ruin the dish. And so, I was more careful in the style I tossed the fried rice and was more afraid to experiment with different spices that I infused in my Kung Pao chicken. As the screeching tires signaled the arrival of my parents, I could feel my heart drumming; in a matter of minutes, my food would be judged and critiqued. The pressure of this routine started to smother my enjoyment of cooking.

A couple of years ago, I was asked to cook for my Taoist community for the ‘Birthday of Quan Yin’ festival. I was excited to connect with my community through my cooking skills. I proudly pulled out the wok, threw in the ingredients, and focused on the tempo of sizzling, as the perfect ‘wok hay’ aroma of ‘char kuey teow’ was unleashed into the air. I poured my passion, mastery, and love for my culinary heritage into the dish and forgot about everything else. As I was distributing the food onto plastic plates, I was startled by my mother standing right behind me.

“Smells good, son,” she said. The single sentence wasn’t just any compliment - it expressed emphatic approval after years of fastidious evaluation of my dishes.

Looking back, my self-discipline and perfectionism, which my culture considers as admirable traits, had created fear and pressure in everything I did, preventing me from enjoying my passion for cooking and sharing a meal. I always thought that this was caused by the high expectations set by my parents. From my enjoyable experience of connecting people through my cooking, I realized that all along it was my own expectation of my parents’ approval that fueled me to set ever higher expectations for myself.

While I cannot deny these very expectations are what led me to accomplish things that I thought were not possible athletically or academically, I am now aware that my passion for cooking would have slowly deteriorated if I only focused on the results. And, perhaps most importantly, I consider this experience a great metaphor for other things in life: even if the noodles are too salty or otak-otak slightly overcooked, as long as I pour my passion into it, enjoy myself in the process, and share my joy with the people I love, we will be having a hearty meal.

• Vivid and Relatable Storytelling: This essay captivates the reader with a relatable and vivid narrative. The detailed descriptions of the student’s cooking experiences, from slicing pork belly to tossing fried rice, provide a sensory-rich account that draws the reader in. The progression from cooking as a stressful obligation to a joyful and communal activity is compelling and relatable, highlighting the student's growth and introspection. The story effectively illustrates the challenges and rewards of balancing high expectations with personal enjoyment.
• Cultural and Familial Connection: The essay beautifully intertwines the student’s cultural heritage with their family dynamics. The act of cooking Chinese dishes and sharing meals at the round table serves as a powerful metaphor for connection and communication within the family. Additionally, the mention of cooking for the Taoist community adds depth, showing the student’s engagement with their cultural and religious traditions. This connection to culture and family provides a rich backdrop to the student’s personal journey, making the essay both meaningful and authentic.
• Reflection and Personal Growth: The student’s reflection on the pressures of high expectations and the realisation that these were largely self-imposed is profound. The shift from focusing on results to embracing the process and sharing joy with loved ones demonstrates significant personal growth and maturity. The essay conveys a valuable life lesson about finding balance and passion in one’s pursuits. This introspective quality, combined with the student's ability to articulate their thoughts and feelings, makes the essay insightful and inspiring, showcasing the student’s readiness for future challenges and growth.

US Essay #5

At 6, I really wanted to be a swan. A peculiar profession to most, this impassioned declaration was often met with baffled stares. Luckily, the reality was much more attainable: I wanted to be the White Swan from the classic Swan Lake. Gazing upwards from my booster seat at my first ballet, I grew enamoured by the unparalleled grace of the White Swan. Entranced, I pictured myself in her dainty little shoes floating across the stage. An excitement quelled in my chest–the early embers that would spark into a raging flame. No matter what, I will be the next White Swan.

Fast forward ten years and I can barely do a split! Forget backbends or leaps, I’ve yet to grasp the baseline for flexibility. It appears that as I grow older, I become less like the graceful swan I once aspired to become and more like Big Bird. I lack natural grace and elegance. My hips are stubbornly turned inwards and standing in the basic ‘fifth-position’ hurts my joints. My non-existent stamina deters me from sustaining high jumps through a routine. It seems that my only aptitude in dance is making every move look more laborious than it already is.

All around me I see friends excelling at their passions, boasting shelves of trophies and accolades. Meanwhile, I’m still struggling to attain a ‘distinction’ grade in my ballet exam. Merit grade’s not bad, but not very good either. I’ve watched my ballet classmates covet and achieve solo opportunities, while I remain shrouded in the background of ensemble dancers. I’ve watched them walk out the studio glowing with satisfaction after mastering a move, while I stay back, alone, fumbling with the exact same step.

Somehow, despite the frustration, passion would still drive me to attend every rehearsal, fraying countless ballet-slippers. I’ve gone on painfully restrictive diets all in a bid to achieve the ideal ‘ballerina’ physique. I’ve committed to demanding workout plans to build up my stamina, and dedicated myself to a consistent stretching regimen to increase flexibility. I’ve done all I could, ticked off all the prerequisites for progress, and yet I’ve plateaued in my ballet skills. I’ve trusted the process, but it seems that the process has failed me.

But here’s the thing: I still love ballet. Despite the adversities, I still find myself yearning to slip on my slippers and perform my routines. Invariably, I find myself loving dance.

Maybe it’s because the beauty of passion is the courage to continue even in the face of failure. Through this arduous journey I’ve learned that passion isn’t the brilliant spark of a raging fire, but the muted embers that glow, unwaveringly. It doesn’t matter if I fail to achieve my splits or ‘distinctions,’ because I’ve come to appreciate the gnawing ache in my legs as I leap and pirouette, and respect my ardour in continuing every dance despite mistakes and cramps. Passion isn't the extreme highs and lows of victory; it’s the persistent fight in enduring what we do, for the sake of doing what we love. I don’t enjoy the pain, nor the disappointment, but it’s these factors that are testaments to my depth of passion. Passion does not equate to greatness, but I don’t dance for greatness. I dance for the people. The lessons. The understanding of a beautiful art form.

Now when I watch ballet, I no longer envision myself as the dancer on stage. I’ve stopped dreaming of a career on stage. I no longer proudly showcase my routines to my family. But I haven’t stopped showing up, giving my all, and most importantly, enjoying it. Maybe I’ll never be a white swan, but that’s irrelevant. Because I know that I'll keep dancing for a long time to come. The truth behind doing what we love is that we never stop fighting for it, no matter the cost. Such is the beauty of passion.

• Authenticity and Perseverance: This essay stands out for its authenticity and raw honesty. The student’s journey from a childhood dream of becoming the White Swan to facing the harsh realities of their limitations in ballet is portrayed with genuine emotion. Despite not achieving the lofty goals they set for themselves, the student’s continued dedication to ballet, even in the face of persistent challenges and setbacks, showcases an admirable level of perseverance. This genuine reflection on their experiences highlights the student’s resilience and commitment, making the essay relatable and impactful.
• Deep Understanding of Passion: The student’s evolving understanding of what true passion entails is a central theme that adds depth to the essay. The shift from seeing passion as a path to greatness to recognizing it as the courage to persist despite failure is profound. The student articulates this realisation eloquently, showing a mature perspective on the nature of dedication and love for an art form. This nuanced understanding of passion, illustrated through personal anecdotes and reflections, provides a compelling narrative that resonates with the reader.
• Engaging and Relatable Narrative: The essay is engaging and relatable, filled with vivid descriptions and a touch of humour. The contrast between the student’s initial dreams and the reality of their ballet skills is depicted in a way that is both poignant and endearing. The student’s self-awareness and ability to find joy in the process, rather than the outcome, offer valuable life lessons. This narrative not only captures the reader’s attention but also leaves a lasting impression of the student’s character, making it a memorable and effective personal statement.

Tips on writing effective personal statements

Now that you’ve reviewed several successful personal statements, you may have noticed some recurring themes. Here are a few tips on how to write an impactful personal statement!

1. Start early

You can’t rush a personal statement so start early! This gives you ample time to brainstorm and plan ahead. As it might be intimidating to approach a blank page and begin writing, it’s important to first plan what you intend to write . We suggest using lists and diagrams like mind maps to visualise potential key topics and how they may be connected. Outlining your personal statement before you begin writing helps keep your thoughts organised and ensures a smooth flow.

Your reader already knows the who but what about the why ? If you’re stuck on what to write about, the why is a useful starting point for your brainstorming . Reflect on your unique experiences and values and think about why you intend to study in the chosen discipline. Which experience sparked your interest?

You should also research the specific courses and universities that you are interested in before you begin writing to learn more about their requirements and expectations. Use this to carefully align your narrative with the university’s values. For UK personal statements, try to make it evident that you’ve done your research by highlighting the relevant knowledge, experiences, and qualities that you have in your essay.

2. Practice makes perfect

Crafting an outstanding personal statement requires plenty of practice! Your first draft is unlikely to be perfect so don’t be discouraged by the number of revisions you’ll need.

Start by writing freely and ignoring the word or character limit. Aim to include everything you want to cover in your final draft, and don’t worry if it’s too long as you can refine it later. Nevertheless, always keep the purpose of your personal statement in mind throughout the drafting process to stay on track. If you’re writing a UCAS personal statement, ensure that the reader can clearly understand your expertise and academic goals. For US applications, the reader should understand your unique identity and characteristics better. Keep on practising and editing until your essay's message is clear and impactful!

3. Showcase a reflective nature

Strong personal statements are authentic and reflective . However, while you may have encountered a lot of significant experiences, what happened to the student is often less important than how they processed and understood it . As such, try to reflect deeply on those key moments and ask yourself questions like “how did that event make me a better person” and “how has it changed the way I view myself or the world”. It’s okay to be vulnerable in your essay so be honest in your reflection. It’s important to highlight your journey of personal growth and self-discovery as it can demonstrate your level of maturity and emotional depth.

For UCAS essays, connecting your reflection to what you intend to study is essential . For instance, it could influence your motivation to pursue your chosen discipline or contribute to your knowledge and experience in a subject matter. Ultimately, it should prove your passion and enthusiasm for your chosen discipline.

Expand on your reflection and conclude your essay with an optimistic future outlook. Try to link your experiences and the lessons you’ve learned with your goals and how they’ve prepared you for your future academic and professional pathways. For example, you can elaborate on how your involvement in STEM research has inspired your altruistic aim to advance and benefit humanity. The key here is to highlight your journey and show how your experiences have shaped your future ambitions and actions.

4. Highlight your passion

Especially for US personal statements, letting your passion shine through in your essay is a great way for the admissions officer to understand you better . You need not mention everything you’re passionate about so select one or a few that you can integrate into your narrative. You can even use them to set the tone and foundation for your personal statement.

In the previous essays, notice how these students have cleverly capitalised on their passion to drive their narratives and demonstrate their journey of personal growth. They combine their passion with their life experiences, reflect on the challenges and growth they’ve encountered, and draw connections to meaningful lessons, making their essays memorable and insightful. In fact, highlighting how you’ve changed through your passion offers key insights into your characteristics and mindset!

5. Proofread the final draft

The spelling, grammar, and structure of your essay is crucial so be meticulous when proofreading . While content is important, your writing skills bring the best stories to life. Read your final draft aloud multiple times and see if it flows well. Watch for any awkward phrases, jarring transactions, and grammatical or spelling errors as they can undermine even the strongest essays.

Ask yourself these questions as you read your personal statement: do my ideas connect logically, is my writing engaging and succinct, and are there any segments that can be cut or expanded on? A strong essay should be cohesive with every element seamlessly woven into its narrative - nothing should feel out of place. Also, ensure that you’ve covered all the key points from your initial outline.

Seek feedback from as many people as possible as it’s useful to get external perspectives. Share a copy with a trusted friend, teacher, mentor, or family member, and ask for an impartial review. If the overall narrative isn’t clear, consider revisiting and refining it.

Identifying and overcoming common mistakes

Writing a personal statement is a challenging endeavour and many mistakes can be made during the process. Here are a few common mistakes and how you can avoid them!

1. Overlooking your audience

A common mistake students make is losing sight of their audience. Be mindful of your writing style as it varies depending on the country you’re intending to apply to . For the UCAS personal statement, students often adopt a flowery writing style to tell a story instead of being direct and factual. Remember, the aim of the UCAS personal statement is to highlight your expertise, academic goals, and vision for your time in university. Make sure that every element of your essay is aligned with these areas. 

For the US on the other hand, many students assume that difficult and emotional personal topics make the best essays. However, not all strong personal statements are about hardship. You should only write about such experiences if they are authentic and have shaped your life in some way. It’s essential to genuinely reflect on your life experiences so avoid writing about a topic just for the sake of it.

2. Being redundant

The reader can see your entire application so your personal statement shouldn’t be a reiteration of it . You have a word limit so refrain from listing your accomplishments and grades that are already on your application. It’s your opportunity to show a different aspect of yourself so try to reveal something new. While you still might want to highlight a relevant achievement, don’t just list it in your essay, explain how this experience has impacted you!

3. Coming across as arrogant

Highlighting your unique experiences and strengths is important in your essay but be mindful of your tone . Be humble, the purpose of your essay is not to show that you are the best! There’s always room for improvement so avoid suggesting that you’ve already learned everything about yourself or a subject matter. Instead, try adopting a more forward-looking approach to show how you still strive for self-improvement despite your strengths. There’s always room for improvement!

4. Honesty is the best policy

Lying or exaggerating on your personal statement is a surefire way of setting yourself up for failure . Avoid making unsupported claims or over-exaggerating your accomplishments. If you’re called for an interview, the school may ask you thoroughly about the experiences that you’ve mentioned in your essay. They can also conduct background checks on your references and claims so it’s easy to get caught out in a lie. Your interviewers are likely to be experts themselves who can verify whether your experience is authentic, exaggerated, or false.

Be honest and only write about the things you have experienced . It may be tempting to embellish your personal statement to enhance your attractiveness but no experience is too small - it’s about what you get out of it. Even if you have limited practical experience in your chosen discipline, there are other ways to demonstrate your passion and motivation. Make your enthusiasm clear in your writing by expressing your desire to pursue a career in the specific field. You can talk about how your hobbies are related, the readings you have done, and how you keep up to date with current trends!

5. Focusing too much on storytelling

Many personal statements end up looking like a recount of the student’s personal life story . While some background information provides context to the personal statement, too much of it will dilute your essay’s purpose. If you’re writing for the US, be sure to stay on track and address the prompt that you’ve chosen. A well-organised structure will ensure that your personal statement remains focused. By the end of your essay, the reader should be able to take away some of your unique qualities and experiences, and understand your motivation behind pursuing your chosen discipline.

Recommended Timeline

Making consistent progress with your personal statement is vital. It guarantees ample time to organise and include all essential points, prevent errors, and thoroughly proofread.

Ideally, you want to start brainstorming at least four to six months before the deadline . This stage is meant for you to conduct an in-depth self-assessment, writing down all the points that can contribute to a compelling narrative. Before you can start writing, it's recommended to plan your essay four months before the deadline . Use visual diagrams and figure out which of the earlier points relate to one another. Here, you need to ensure that there is an overarching theme for your essay to remain focused and cohesive. Organise your key points into sections to create a logical structure for your personal statement. Once you’re done with the planning stage, aim to start writing your first draft two to four months before the due date . Focus on capturing the essence of your essay and remember to be authentic, concise, and positive. Lastly, share a copy with your trusted connections one to two months before the deadline, and proofread and make any necessary edits at least one month before! This gives you enough time to polish your essay to perfection before the final submission.

Need support with your personal statement and other aspects of applying to US and UK universities? Our experts are here to guide you through every step of the process. Contact us today for personalised assistance!

Have questions or need help? Connect with Crimson Education for expert advice and tailored support.

Key resources & further reading.

• 10 Great Common App Essay Examples From Accepted Students
• How To Answer the 2024-25 Common App Essay Prompts
• A Love Letter to My Mum: Personal Statements That Pay Tribute to Our Greatest Supporters

About the Contributor

Jamie Beaton

Jamie Beaton is the Co-founder and CEO of Crimson Education. With degrees from Harvard, Oxford, Stanford, Yale, and Tsinghua, Jamie is an educational innovator passionate about helping students reach their academic potential. He co-founded Crimson after gaining admission to 25 of the world's top universities. Under his leadership, Crimson has become the world's most successful university admissions consultancy, helping thousands gain entry into the Ivy League and other elite institutions.

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How to Study When You Can't Focus: Practical Solutions

Discover practical solutions to help you stay focused and boost your study sessions, even when distractions seem overwhelming.

How to focus on studies has become a critical challenge in today's fast-paced world, where distractions are abundant, and concentration is more challenging to maintain. Concentrating intensely on learning is essential for academic success and personal growth. 

Books like ' Make It Stick ' by Peter C. Brown, ' The One Thing ' by Gary Keller, ' Learning How to Learn ' by Barbara Oakley, ' How We Learn ' by Benedict Carey, ' Free to Focus ' by Michael Hyatt, and 'Stolen Focus' by Johann Hari provide potent strategies to enhance concentration and optimize study habits. Applying their insights can sharpen your focus and achieve your academic goals.

Understanding the need for focus

Concentration is the ability to focus on a specific subject, which results from controlling thoughts and being efficient. Eliminate distractions by identifying and eliminating factors that take your focus away from work, such as checking emails, text messages, or social media during the workday. 

A study by TechJury found that 70% of people check social media at least once during work hours, with many doing so multiple times a day. An average user spends 2 hours and 31 minutes on social networking. It’s a good idea to put your phone away and remove distracting games and websites.

Creating the right study environment

The first step is to create a comfortable study space and organize a room or a desk for studying. Your learning space should be tidy, well-lit, and ventilated. Free your space from unnecessary things, and at the end of each day, organize your workspace and remove anything distracting from productive work. Also, remove old papers from your desk and store documents you are not using in drawers. A clean study area will help you stay focused throughout the day.

Determine your ideal noise level

While some people are more productive in silence, others find it easier to focus with music or background noise. Determine your desired noise level and consider how to maintain it at work. For example, if you concentrate better in silence but work in a busy office, buy headphones with a noise-canceling function. If you focus better with background music, choose a type of music that does not contain distracting lyrics.

Adjust the air temperature

Feeling hot or cold can reduce your ability to concentrate. If you work in an office or study at a library, you can't adjust the thermostat, but you can keep a light sweater or fan on your desk to help you adapt to different temperatures. Adjust the temperature to make it more comfortable for you to work or study. Studies suggest that the ideal office temperature ranges from 70-73 degrees Fahrenheit (21-23 degrees Celsius).

Studying in a coffee shop

Many college students enjoy studying or working at a café while enjoying coffee. However, the background noise in most cafes can make concentrating difficult. Sometimes, a change of scenery can be beneficial, especially when you need a quieter environment. Whether it's a café in a park, on the street, or by the beach, finding a peaceful place to focus on your work or studies is important.

Effective study tips and techniques

You may become less focused when you focus on one activity for long hours. Regular breaks throughout the day can increase your attention span and overall concentration. 

Pomodoro Technique

In ' Learning How to Learn, ' Barbara Oakley introduces the Pomodoro Technique as an effective strategy for improving focus and productivity. The Pomodoro Technique, created by Francesco Cirillo and named after the kitchen timer in the shape of a tomato, is named after the kitchen timer. The Pomodoro Technique divides time into short-term segments: 25-minute work phases alternating with short breaks phases. One work phase is called "Pomodoro," and its number measures the periods of time allocated to work. All pomodoros are accompanied by a five-minute break, and only every fourth one is accompanied by a twenty-minute break. During the allotted 25 minutes, you are completely immersed in work and are not distracted by anything.

So, let's create a short Pomodoro time management instruction:

1. First, define the study plan you want. Write it down, and create a to-do list on a piece of paper, on your computer, or on your phone, where it will be convenient to follow.

2. Set your timer for 25 minutes.

3. Choose one task and work on it until the timer goes off. After that, you can check the box next to the task. The task must be small enough to fit into these 25 minutes (for example, writing a short article, finding materials, etc.).

4. Rest for 5-10 minutes.

5. After four consecutive "pomodoros," you can take a longer break of 15-30 minutes.

During your break, you can do whatever you want: grab a snack, check your email, make a call, stretch, and more. The main thing is to strictly adhere to the allotted amount of time and not waste it on work. Pay special attention to the fact that distractions should not be tolerated during the 25 minutes allocated for work. If you are distracted, for example, by an urgent call, then you have two options:

• End the pomodoro session and start a new one later.

• Put off all distractions until later.

Task batching

Task batching in studying refers to grouping and working on similar tasks during a set study schedule. Instead of switching between tasks like reading, note-taking, and problem-solving, task batching allows you to focus on one activity for an extended period. This approach minimizes the cognitive load associated with task-switching, making it easier to maintain concentration and complete tasks more efficiently.

“By batching similar tasks together, you can streamline your work and reduce the mental energy spent on switching between different types of tasks.” – ' Learning How to Learn ' by Barbara Oakley, PhD

Task batching can increase productivity by streamlining workflow and reducing the time spent on low-value tasks. By grouping similar tasks, you focus on high-priority work when you're most motivated and productive, ensuring your energy is directed toward what truly matters.

Spaced repetition​ 

In ' How We Learn ,' Benedict Carey discusses the concept of spaced repetition as a highly effective learning strategy. 

"Spacing out study sessions—reviewing material at intervals rather than all at once—produces better long-term retention."

Memory is formed through connections between brain cells called neurons. Repetition is essential for remembering and can be scheduled at increasing intervals. Spaced repetition is valuable for learning new information, especially foreign languages.

"When you review material after some forgetting has set in, the brain has to work harder to retrieve the information, which in turn strengthens the memory."

Spaced repetition with increased intervals is practical because it becomes more difficult to acquire information with each extended repetition interval due to the time elapsed between training periods. This creates a deeper processing of learned information in long-term memory.

Using flashcards

In ' Make It Stick: The Science of Successful Learning , ' Peter C. Brown and his co-authors emphasize the effectiveness of using flashcards for active retrieval practice, which is crucial for solidifying learning. The book advocates using flashcards to regularly quiz yourself on the material you're trying to learn. This method forces your brain to recall information actively, which strengthens memory and helps you retain the knowledge long-term.

"Flashcards are a great way to practice retrieval. Testing yourself on the material, not just rereading it, is key to embedding knowledge and making it stick."

The essence of the flash card technique is to study and check the information presented on special cards (in the form of words, numbers, images, etc.) at specific intervals. Information is placed on both sides of the cards. For example, one side has a question (e.g., a chemical formula or a date), and the other has an answer or a brief explanation. 

Mind mapping

A mind map is a universal tool for working with tasks, allowing you to create a roadmap for their solution from the beginning. The second option often needs help. Firstly, creating a clear and correct sequence of actions to achieve the goal is challenging. Secondly, if the problem is complex, describing possible options will destroy the plan's structure. We suggest using the popular Mind Map tool. 

The idea is elementary: building a Mind Map searches for ideas and connections between them. How to find ideas is a separate story. It can be done with the help of brainstorming, analytics, or something else. But you need to record them in the Mind Map. 

"Organizing and making connections between new information and what you already know helps to strengthen memory traces and build a mental model for understanding." – ' Make It Stick: The Science of Successful Learning ' by Peter C. Brown

Many apps make creating a Mind Map quick and convenient. The most famous of them is Miro , a powerful tool for working with ideas. Software products are designed specifically for Mind Mapping: Coggle, Mindly, MindMup, MindMeister, Scapple, and Ayoa. Some are more convenient for mobile devices, others for teamwork, and others for those who appreciate a convenient interface.

Active recall

“Pulling the key idea from your own mind, instead of just reading or rereading it on the page, is the critical idea behind active recall.” – ' Learning How to Learn ' by Barbara Oakley, PhD

Active recall is a retrieval practice where your brain goes into its vast storehouse of information and searches for one specific fact or answer. Active recall is much more effective than other forms of learning, such as recognition or passive review, taking notes, or highlighting key information in a textbook. This is the fastest and most effective way to study and prepare for any test or exam because it consolidates information into your long-term memory. The more we try to recall information, the better we understand it. It is the search practice that helps us learn information. 

Managing study time and tasks

Each of us has wished for more time. This problem is common in all aspects of life: work, relationships, and daily routine. A lack of time and resources provokes stress, and it is one of the leading causes of headaches, insomnia, procrastination , and depression. To cope with this, you must learn to prioritize and focus on what is essential and what is structured.

Method 90 for 30

In ' Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention— and How to Think Deeply Again ,' Johann Hari discusses the "90 for 30" method to help regain focus and attention in a world of distractions. The principle of the "90 to 30" method is that you must set aside an hour and a half for work and half an hour for rest. During rest, you will let your brain calm down and adjust for the next hour and a half of productivity. 

Scientists have already proven that our brains cannot focus for more than 90 minutes. It gets distracted by small things, so your work efficiency will decrease. Rest a little between sets to achieve high results. You also need to prioritize according to the principle of the Eisenhower matrix.

The Eisenhower matrix

This method consists of correctly setting priorities. We often need help deciding where to start or which task to do first, in which case the Eisenhower matrix is necessary.

The matrix has four squares:

1. Important and urgent  – to do

2. Important and not urgent – to plan

3. Unimportant and urgent – to delegate

4. Unimportant and not urgent – delete

"The key to maximizing your productivity is not in doing more things, but in doing more of the right things. Focus on what truly moves the needle—what’s important, not just urgent." – Michael Hyatt, ' Free to Focus '

"Eat the frog"

In most cases, we divide tasks into those that are relatively easy and those that are more difficult. "Frog" is precisely the second type of task. You should do the task you don't want to do first and then the others. This way, you will focus all your efforts on what is complex, and the rest of the tasks will seem easy.

“Eat the frog first thing in the morning. It will make the rest of your day easier and more productive.” – ' Free to Focus ' by Michael Hyatt

Mental and physical well-being

To live, we need food and water and to move, rest, and care for our bodies. Otherwise, we risk serious physical health problems, which are the basis of psychological balance and a high quality of life. The "pillars" that support our physical health and energy levels for focus are physical activity, rational nutrition, personal hygiene, enough sleep, and rest. Engaging in physical activity strengthens us, boosts energy, enhances coordination and speed, strengthens muscles and bones, stimulates metabolism, maintains ideal weight, and reduces disease risk. It also releases "hormones of happiness," leading to improved mood and psychological balance.

Your daily biorhythms

Biorhythms affect a person's work capacity, ability to learn and perceive information, memory, creative skills, concentration of attention, muscle strength, reaction speed, mood, etc. More than 300 physiological processes in the human body are subject to a daily rhythm. Therefore, those who seek to use their potential to the maximum should take into account daily biorhythms in their daily routine.

Enough sleep is crucial

First of all, we all need sleep every day. Even one time, ignoring this need harms our well-being and work capacity. To sleep effectively, it is a good idea to be outside every day during daylight hours and to go to bed at the same time every night. This is important for adjusting your biological clock. Before going to bed, setting aside 10-15 minutes to relax is advisable. You can flip through a magazine or listen to calm music. Relaxation exercises also help.

Practice meditation and mindfulness

Regular meditation and mindfulness practices can improve concentration and cognitive function. In the same way, spending time in nature, where you can take a deep breath of fresh air and distract yourself from your study routine, tasks, and deadlines, will help to maintain mental health. This will certainly help you concentrate on what is essential and allow you to study better.

Engage in self-development

Your hobbies or favorite things will fill every day with joy and meaning. However, do not become a perfectionist — the desire to be perfect and the best in everything will not add to your free time. You must learn to set specific study goals and adequate time limits for their achievement. 

Utilizing technology

In ' Free to Focus ,' Michael Hyatt discusses the role of technology and electronic devices in productivity with a balanced perspective. He acknowledges that while technology can significantly enhance productivity, it can also become a source of distraction if not managed properly.

"To truly focus, we need to set boundaries around our technology usage, ensuring it serves us rather than distracts us."

Technologies are helpful in learning. We can easily access educational sites or detailed information on the required topic. Visual presentations, educational videos, interactive programs, study guides, and many books are available on the Internet and have revolutionized education.

Gadgets' negative influence on our ability to focus

However, gadgets can also negatively impact our health. Long-term use of devices with artificial light can decrease sleep quality and increase stress.

In ' Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention— and How to Think Deeply Again ,' Johann Hari explores how modern technology, particularly gadgets and apps, contributes to the erosion of our ability to focus. Hari argues that the constant barrage of notifications, the design of apps to keep us engaged, and the endless availability of information are significant factors in our declining attention spans.

Many people spend much time scrolling social networks and other entertainment content, which can interfere with work tasks and studies. Also, many gadgets receive app notifications, leading to distraction and reduced productivity.

"Many of the apps and platforms we use daily are designed to capture and keep our attention, not to help us focus or be productive."

Information from social networks is absorbed quickly, spontaneously, and in small portions in a large volume. Accordingly, the brain gets used to working with a large volume of various information and gradually loses the ability to keep attention on one thing for a long time. 

Expert hacks and insights

In their book 'The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results,' Gary Keller and Jay Papasan explain the value of simplifying your workload and focusing on the most important tasks. It doesn't matter how we measure success, whether personal or professional. Only the ability to distract yourself from the unnecessary and focus on one priority will lead you to impressive results.

"What's the ONE Thing you can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary?" – Gary Keller, 'The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results'

"Success is about doing the right thing, not about doing everything right." – Gary Keller, 'The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results'

2. 'Free to Focus' by Michael Hyatt provides several actionable insights and productivity hacks to help you achieve more by doing less. 

“Time blocking is one of the most powerful productivity tools you have. It helps you control your schedule and ensure that your most important tasks get the attention they deserve.” – Michael Hyatt, 'Free to Focus'

“Multitasking is a myth. The human brain is not designed to handle multiple complex tasks simultaneously without a drop in performance.” – Michael Hyatt, 'Free to Focus'

3. In 'Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention—and How to Think Deeply Again,' Johann Hari proposes allocating specific time for undisturbed, focused work. Establishing a regular schedule for concentrated work sessions can help restore one's ability to focus.

“Attention is the most valuable resource we have, and yet we are constantly being bombarded with distractions that steal it away from us. To reclaim it, we need to take deliberate steps to protect and nurture our focus.” - Johann Hari.  

Improve your study skills and focus with the Headway app

Did you enjoy the quotes and advice from books about effective learning and the ability to focus deeply? In our Headway app library, you can find a vast collection of book summaries covering various topics to help you achieve your goals . For example, take a look at this selection on focus or distraction . 

The Headway app is a very convenient tool for growth and development. In 15 minutes, you can read or listen to a book summary on the go. No need to spend a lot of time reading an entire non-fiction book! You can quickly absorb and apply the essential ideas effectively by focusing on Headway’s key takeaways, summaries, and actionable tips.

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Maintaining Your Focus

Updated June 2022

To focus your writing, you'll need to know how to narrow your focus, so you don't overwhelm your readers with unnecessary information. Knowing who your readers are and why you are writing will help you stay focused.

A Definition of Focus

Kate Kiefer, English Department, Composition Director 1992 -1995 The focus of the text is also referred to as its thesis, theme, controlling idea, main point. In effect, writers tell readers what territory they plan to cover. That's the focus. A focus can be very narrow--as when a photographer takes a close-up of one mountain flower--or it can be broad --as when the photographer takes a long-range shot of the mountain. In practical writing, the focus is often specified for the writer by the "occasion" for the writing.

In their discussions of focus, writers may use several of terms: main point, thesis, theme, position statement, and controlling idea. What these terms have in common—and what focus is all about—is informally known as sticking to the point.

Sticking to the point involves having a clear idea of what you want to write and how you want to write about your topic. While you write, you'll want to keep in mind your supporting details to help your readers better understand your main point.

Coordinating all the aspects of your paper requires you to make each part work with the whole. Imagine your writing is a symphony orchestra in which one out of tune instrument will ruin the sound of the entire performance.

How Audience and Purpose Affect Focus

All readers have expectations. They assume what they read will follow a logical order and support a main idea. For instance, an essay arguing for a second skating rink for hockey players should not present cost figures on how expensive new uniforms have become.

Your audience and writing purpose will help you determine your focus. While it may seem obvious to include certain details, your audience may require specific information. Further, why you are writing will also affect what information you present.

Michel Muraski, Journalism and Technical Communication By articulating the problem, you give yourself focus. You must have done your audience analysis to have asked the question, "What kinds of information does the audience need? What are they going to do with it? Are they going to use it to further their research? Are they going to use it to make a decision?" Once you've identified your audience and what they're going to do with your information, you can refine your problem statement and have a focus. It's a necessary outcome.

Different audiences require different ways of focusing. Let's look at a proposal for a second ice rink in town for hockey players only.

Audience One: City Council

This audience will want to know why another ice rink is necessary. They will need to know how practice hours were shortened due to increases in open skate and lesson hours. They will need to know about new hockey teams forming within the community and requiring practice and game time on the ice. They should also be informed of how much money is made from spectators coming to view the games, as well as of any funding raised by existing hockey teams to help support a new rink. Every detail they read should support why city council should consider building a new rink.

Audience Two: Hockey Coaches and Players

This audience should be informed of the need for a new rink to inspire their support, but chances are they already know of the need. Ultimately, they will want to know what is required of them to get a new rink. How much time will they need to donate to fundraising activities and city council meetings? In addition, they will want to know how they will benefit from a new rink. How will practice hours be increased? Every detail they read should inform them of the benefits a new rink would provide.

Steve Reid, Composition Director 1973-1977 and 1994-1996 Focus, for me, is a term we borrowed from photography. This means we narrow something down to a very sharp image. First, it's a notion of narrowing to something, but also, it's a notion of sharpness and clarity. Focus is one of the things that clarifies purpose. So, once we get a sense of thesis, that helps illuminate the photography image, illuminate what the overall purpose of the paper is.

Your purpose is why you are writing about your topic. Different purposes require different ways of focusing. Let's look at a proposal for a second ice rink in town for hockey players only.

Purpose One: Arguing

Proposing a new ice rink to city council members would require convincing them the rink was necessary and affordable. You would need to acknowledge reasons for and against the rink.

Purpose Two: Informing

Informing fellow hockey coaches and players about a new rink would require telling them of the steps being taken to achieve a new rink. This audience most likely knows most of the issues, so selling them on the idea probably won't be necessary. Give them the facts and let them know what they can do to help.

Don Zimmerman, Journalism and Technical Communication Department Typically, when I'm writing a report for a person out there, I provide them with the information they need to either increase their knowledge or make a decision. When I talk about focus, I really mean targeting. Here's an example. This comes out of a trade magazine. In Nursing '96 , you'll find articles written by nurses for other nurses. They will generally open with essentially two or three paragraphs. They will say, "You know, here is the problem I had as a nurse in this setting." They tend to set them in what I would consider, soap opera-ish kinds of settings. They set up a real-life situation with real people. In other words, "I went into Sally's room and discovered she'd thrown all the covers off the bed, and she was sweating profusely." The article goes on to describe what it was. Then it will come back and say, "Here's the problem. Now we've had a number of patients who did this kind of activity, and we found they fell out of bed. To minimize those injuries, here are three things we've done." Then they will give you the summary and then they will elaborate those procedures. That's very targeted. Targeting influences the kind of language used. This means the nurses in the hospital are dealing with "X" kind of patient and "X" kinds of situation. This means a lot of terms and terminology are used. The other nurses reading about this will understand it because of their interest in that topic; it's going to fit them.

Narrowing Your Focus

Writers who cover too much about a topic often overwhelm their readers with information. Take, for example, an essay focused on the tragedies of the Civil War. What tragedies? Readers have no idea what to expect from this focus, not to mention how difficult it would be to write about every tragedy of the Civil War.

After writers choose a topic to write about, they need to make sure they are not covering too much nor too little about a topic. The scope of a focus is partially dictated by the length of the writing. Obviously, a book on the Civil War will cover more than a 500-word essay. Finally, focus is also determined by its significance, that is, its ability to keep readers' interest.

What It Means to be Focused

Donna Lecourt, English Department What it means to be "focused" changes from discipline to discipline. Say for example, in literature, my "focus" comes through a novel. I want to write about Henry James's Turn of the Screw . On one hand it could come through theory. I want to do a feminist analysis and Henry James's Turn of the Screw just happens to be the text I apply it to, or I might add another text. I might just approach a novel and say, "Okay. Everybody's read it in these ways before. Here's yet another way to read it." I don't have to show that I'm adding to, in some ways, I can show I'm distinguishing or coming up with something new. What my "focus" is, is determined disciplinarily as well as by my purpose. Another example would be a typical research report where a "focus" is what's been done before because that determined what an experiment was going to be about. And so, in some ways, you're not coming up with your own "focus" the way in English, in some ways, you can. You have to look at "X," "Y," and "Z" studies to see what was done on this topic before you can prove your point. Focus comes out of what was achieved before. You have to link what you're doing to previous research studies which is a requirement of a lot of research reports.

Focus is Too Broad

Michel Muraski, Journalism and Technical Communication The biggest conceptual shift in most students is having too broad of a statement and literally finding everything they ever knew about this topic and dumping it into a term paper. They need to consider what they write a pro-active document: a document that's going to be used by a specified audience for a specified reason about a specific area of that broader topic.

Kate Kiefer, English Department, Composition Director 1992 -1995 A broad focus looks easier for students, but it turns out that a narrow focus is generally easier. General articles and essays with a broad focus require lots of background information and a pretty clear sense of the readers' goals in reading the piece. Otherwise, writing with a broad focus tends to result in pretty boring prose. Most academic writing requires a narrow focus because it's easier to move from that into the specific supporting detail highly valued in the academic community.

A broad focus covers too much about a topic. It never discusses the fine details necessary to adequately present a topic and keep readers' interest. A good way to narrow a broad topic is to list the subcategories of the topic. For example, two subcategories of Civil War tragedies are:

• The breakdown of families as a result of divided loyalties.
• How the small details of battle strategies affected the outcome of the war.

When you list subcategories, be careful not to narrow your topic too much, otherwise you won't have enough to write about it.

Focus is Too Narrow

A narrow focus covers too little about a topic. It gets so close to the topic that the writer cannot possibly say more than a few words. For example, writing about gender interactions in one of your classes is too narrow. You can use your class to make a point about gender interactions, but chances are, you'll find nothing specific in the library about your particular class. Instead, you might look at gender interactions in group settings, and then use your class as an example to either agree or disagree with your research. Be careful not to make your focus too broad as a result.

As you refine your focus, check to see if you pass the "So What?" test. To do so, you should know who will read what you write. Readers have to care about your topic in order to continue reading, otherwise they may look at what you have written and respond, "So what?" You need to determine what readers need to stay interested in your writing. Ask yourself why readers will be interested in your specific topic. Is it significant enough to hold their attention? Why or why not?

Reid, Stephen, & Dawn Kowalski. (1996). Maintaining Your Focus. Writing@CSU .. Colorado State University. https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/guide.cfm?guideid=28

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Justice Department Sues RealPage for Algorithmic Pricing Scheme that Harms Millions of American Renters

The Justice Department, together with the Attorneys General of North Carolina, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Minnesota, Oregon, Tennessee, and Washington, filed a civil antitrust lawsuit today against RealPage Inc. for its unlawful scheme to decrease competition among landlords in apartment pricing and to monopolize the market for commercial revenue management software that landlords use to price apartments. RealPage’s alleged conduct deprives renters of the benefits of competition on apartment leasing terms and harms millions of Americans. The lawsuit was filed today in the U.S. District Court for the Middle District of North Carolina and alleges that RealPage violated Sections 1 and 2 of the Sherman Act.

The complaint  alleges that RealPage contracts with competing landlords who agree to share with RealPage nonpublic, competitively sensitive information about their apartment rental rates and other lease terms to train and run RealPage’s algorithmic pricing software. This software then generates recommendations, including on apartment rental pricing and other terms, for participating landlords based on their and their rivals’ competitively sensitive information. The complaint further alleges that in a free market, these landlords would otherwise be competing independently to attract renters based on pricing, discounts, concessions, lease terms, and other dimensions of apartment leasing. RealPage also uses this scheme and its substantial data trove to maintain a monopoly in the market for commercial revenue management software. The complaint seeks to end RealPage’s illegal conduct and restore competition for the benefit of renters in states across the country.

“Americans should not have to pay more in rent because a company has found a new way to scheme with landlords to break the law,” said Attorney General Merrick B. Garland. “We allege that RealPage’s pricing algorithm enables landlords to share confidential, competitively sensitive information and align their rents. Using software as the sharing mechanism does not immunize this scheme from Sherman Act liability, and the Justice Department will continue to aggressively enforce the antitrust laws and protect the American people from those who violate them.”

“Today’s complaint against RealPage illustrates our corporate enforcement strategy in action. We identify the most serious wrongdoers, whether individuals or companies, and focus our full energy on holding them accountable,” said Deputy Attorney General Lisa Monaco. “By feeding sensitive data into a sophisticated algorithm powered by artificial intelligence, RealPage has found a modern way to violate a century-old law through systematic coordination of rental housing prices — undermining competition and fairness for consumers in the process. Training a machine to break the law is still breaking the law. Today’s action makes clear that we will use all our legal tools to ensure accountability for technology-fueled anticompetitive conduct.” 

“RealPage’s egregious, anticompetitive conduct allows landlords to undermine fair pricing and limit housing options while stifling necessary competition,” said Acting Associate Attorney General Benjamin C. Mizer. “The Department remains committed to rooting out illegal schemes and practices aimed at empowering corporate interests at the expense of consumers.” 

“As Americans struggle to afford housing, RealPage is making it easier for landlords to coordinate to increase rents,” said Assistant Attorney General Jonathan Kanter of the Justice Department’s Antitrust Division. “Today, we filed an antitrust suit against RealPage to make housing more affordable for millions of people across the country. Competition – not RealPage – should determine what Americans pay to rent their homes.”

The complaint cites internal documents and sworn testimony from RealPage and commercial landlords that make plain RealPage’s and landlords’ objective to maximize rental pricing and profitability at the expense of renters. For example:

• RealPage acknowledged that its software is aimed at maximizing prices for landlords, referring to its products as “driving every possible opportunity to increase price,” “avoid[ing] the race to the bottom in down markets,” and “a rising tide raises all ships.”
• A RealPage executive observed that its products help landlords avoid competing on the merits, noting that “there is greater good in everybody succeeding versus essentially trying to compete against one another in a way that actually keeps the entire industry down.”
• A RealPage executive explained to a landlord that using competitor data can help identify situations where the landlord “may have a $50 increase instead of a $10 increase for the day.”
• Another landlord commented about RealPage’s product, “I always liked this product because your algorithm uses proprietary data from other subscribers to suggest rents and term. That’s classic price fixing…”

The complaint alleges that RealPage’s agreements and conduct harm the competitive process in local rental markets for multi-family dwellings across the United States. Armed with competing landlords’ data, RealPage also encourages loyalty to the algorithm’s recommendations through, among other measures, “auto accept” functionality and pricing advisors who monitor landlords’ compliance. As a result, RealPage’s software tends to maximize price increases, minimize price decreases, and maximize landlords’ pricing power. RealPage also trained landlords to limit concessions (e.g., free month(s) of rent) and other discounts to renters. The complaint also cites internal documents from RealPage and landlords touting the fact that landlords have responded by reducing renter concessions.

The complaint separately alleges that RealPage has unlawfully maintained its monopoly over commercial revenue management software for multi-family dwellings in the United States, in which RealPage commands approximately 80% market share. Landlords agree to share their competitively sensitive data with RealPage in return for pricing recommendations and decisions that are the result of combining and analyzing competitors’ sensitive data. This creates a self-reinforcing feedback loop that strengthens RealPage’s grip on the market and makes it harder for honest businesses to compete on the merits.

RealPage Inc., is a property management software company headquartered in Richardson, Texas.

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Prime-time focus on No. 23 USC, No. 13 LSU as each tries to make early statement

FILE - LSU quarterback Garrett Nussmeier (13) during an NCAA football game, Sept. 16, 2023, in Starkville, Miss. (AP Photo/Vasha Hunt, File)

FILE - Southern California quarterback Miller Moss (7) throws a pass under pressure from Louisville defensive lineman Ashton Gillotte (9) during the second half of the Holiday Bowl NCAA college football game, Dec. 27, 2023, in San Diego. (AP Photo/Denis Poroy, File)

FILE - LSU head coach Brian Kelly speaks during Southeastern Conference NCAA college football media days, July 15, 2024, in Dallas. (AP Photo/Jeffrey McWhorter, File)

FILE - Southern California coach Lincoln Riley watches during the second half of the team’s NCAA college football game against UCLA, Nov. 18, 2023, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Ryan Sun, File)

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No. 23 Southern California vs. No. 13 LSU in Las Vegas, Sunday, 7:30 p.m. Eastern (ABC)

BetMGM College Football Odds : LSU by 4 1/2.

Series record: Tied 1-1.

WHAT’S AT STAKE?

Playing before a national audience on Sunday night, both teams will have plenty of eyes on them as each side tries to make a big early impression that might later resonate with the College Football Playoff committee. For USC, that could be especially important coming off a disappointing 8-5 season with a new quarterback in Miller Moss ready to go in the program’s first year in the Big Ten. A bad showing against LSU might turn up the heat on third-year coach Lincoln Riley. Tigers coach Brian Kelly, also entering his third season, hopes to build on back-to-back 10-win seasons and make the expanded 12-team playoff field. Like the Trojans , they will be starting a new quarterback in Garrett Nussmeier .

KEY MATCHUP

LSU’s experienced offensive line vs. a Trojans defense filled with questions. USC surrendered an average of 34.4 points per game last season and defensive coordinator Alex Grinch was fired in November. D’Anton Lynn takes over and his debut comes against an LSU front that returns four starters.

PLAYERS TO WATCH

USC: All eyes will be on Moss, who showed he could follow a Heisman Trophy winner like Caleb Williams. He quarterbacked the Trojans to 42-28 victory over Louisville in last year’s Holiday Bowl. Now Moss has got to show that performance wasn’t a fluke.

LSU: It’s one thing to follow a former Heisman winner, but how about the most recent one? That’s what Nussmeier will do as he replaces Jayden Daniels, who won college football’s top individual honor last season. And like Moss, Nussmeier shined in the postseason, passing for 395 yards against Wisconsin in the ReliaQuest Bowl.

FACTS & FIGURES

These two teams have played in each other in 30 years and the visiting team won each of the two meetings (USC beat LSU 17-12 in 1979 and LSU beat USC 23-3 in 1984). ... Facing the Trojans isn’t new for the Tigers’ Kelly. He went 8-3 against USC when coaching Notre Dame from 2010-21. ... The Tigers enter on a four-game winning streak and winners of six of their past seven.

Get poll alerts and updates on the AP Top 25 throughout the season. Sign up here . AP college football: https://apnews.com/hub/ap-top-25-college-football-poll and https://apnews.com/hub/college-football